If You Are Hanging By a Thread, Get Ready to Snap!

January 26th, 2012 by Jennifer Grainger

Do you know how miserable it is to feel trapped in a soul-deadening marriage or long-term relationship with no apparent way out except death . . . yours or the other persons?

Well, I am here to tell you, no one has to die for you to be happy!

Make no mistake I know all about silent tears into your nighttime pillow; about lying awake in the early dawn ruminating on how to make the emotional pain of having failed at making the happily-ever-after fairy tale come true; of feeling like you can’t stay another minute, and not seeing any way to leave, while being desperate to find a way to stop the pain!

I know what it’s like to be “stuck at the crossroads;” about “having it all” from the onlooker’s perspective, and feeling guilty and selfish for not being happy when I had so much to be grateful for!

But just because my pain and suffering did not come from bruises or broken bones, or economic hardship, or neglect, and even though I had no “good reason” to be unhappy, I was!

Know what I’m saying?

In retrospect I see that a lot of my pain came from:

1. being so far removed from my authentic self that I freely gave away my personal power, believing that my happiness would come to me from someone or something outside of myself if I just did everything “right,” as I was trained to do.

2. being ill-equipped to vulnerably ask for what I needed in a way that didn’t come across as making my husband wrong.

3. trying to get the emotional nourishment that I never got as a child from someone who wasn’t equipped to give it due to his own childhood traumas.

Over the years, to alleviate the pain, I slowly closed my heart, and brick-by-brick a wall was built between us.

The thing is, my story of the fairy-tale-gone-awry is the case more often than not. And how could it not be?

I mean, really, how many of us grew up with conscious parents who knew how to vulnerably speak from their hearts, and had the communication skills to easily ask for what they needed from someone who was well-equipped to give it?

Right! Not very darn many!

No wonder the majority of  women are having such a hard time getting their emotional needs met in a structure (marriage) that was never intended to be more than a practical way to survive the harsh realities of life on the earth plane!

Just as every other structure we have counted on for decades (if not centuries, in some cases) is coming apart at the seams . . . government, health care, economics, education, employment . . . you name it . . . marriage is undergoing restructuring too. No longer is mere longevity the marker of a good marriage. Today we want an equal partnership with our soul-mate; to be heard, understood and respected, with plenty of space to continue to grow and explore the myriad aspects of our being!

And when there is no more room to grow, like the full-term fetus in the womb, we must be born into the next stage of growth, or die! (At least from the soul’s perspective.)

One thing I know for sure is that the escalating daily pressures caused by uncertainty and rapid change are going to be the last straw for marriages that are not nourishing the heart and soul of the partners, and that have been hanging by a thread for quite awhile now!

I can assure you that no matter how much it has been looking like there is no way out, and that the safest thing to do is suck it up and make the best of it, sooner, rather than later, these compounding pressures are going to cause that fragile thread to snap. It has to happen. The old ways will not survive these new times.

Unless you get ahead of the curve, and take charge of your life by intentionally and consciously creating and following a plan to find the “third option” (the one you haven’t thought of yet, but is definitely available if you know how, and where, to look) here’s what will happen . . .

. . . some otherwise seemingly insignificant thing will be said or done, and the lid will come off the reservoir of swallowed anger, frustration, resentment and grief that’s been sitting in your belly like molten lava in the depths of a volcano. In a flash, the emotion takes over and . . . KA BLAM . . . truth spews forth in an uncontrolled eruption leaving devastation in its wake and a BIG mess to clean up.

If you want to avoid a costly and destructive divorce, you need to tap into the love that is somewhere in your heart, bring it to the forefront, then set your intention to have a heart-centered and compassionate reshaping of your relationship, whether you stay together or not, by carving away what is not working, and reshaping what remains into the life your heart and soul are yearning for!

Here are 5 things you must do to craft a heart-centered and compassionate soul-u-tion:

1. Get very honest with yourself about whether there is any real hope of saving your marriage or if you have passed the point of no return.

2. Know there are always more than two options in any situation. It is possible to maintain the love and leave the marriage.  Brainstorm with me as your coach, or a trusted friend, or in your journal, any and all “out of the box” possible soul-u-tions to your dilemma. You don’t have to act on any of them, but you do need to let the ideas flow without censorship to receive divine inspiration.

3. Take an objective inventory of what is right in the situation, what attracted you to your partner in the first place, and what you would want to salvage?

4. Take the position that you don’t have to be mad at your partner to declare your soul contract complete, and begin the process of moving on in a way that is a win-win for everyone involved.

5. And here is the most important piece. You must “own” your part of the dynamic that contributed to the disharmonies you have experienced. This will be the foundation for a healthier and happier next relationship, whether it is with your current partner, or another.

To be clear, I am neither advocating for divorce, or continuing to work on a marriage that you have outgrown. My passion is to help you avoid a costly and devastating divorce by getting clear on what your heart and soul are wanting from you, and mapping the strategy for a heart-centered and compassionate reshaping, whatever it is, that is a win-win for all concerned.

BOTTOM LINE: The force of the Universe is pounding humanity with the impulse to evolve into our authentic selves. The evolutionary forces are exposing our secrets, revealing our truths, and shining the light into every deep and dark corner of our subconscious minds, whether we like it or not. (I haven’t liked it all that much a lot of the time!). The good news is that the truth will set you free! Really. There is great freedom in having nothing left to hide!

TIP: For centuries humanity has been manipulated by fear, shame and guilt. When you get a flash of insight into a “dark” truth about yourself, it is easy to experience a “crises of recognition.” It takes great courage to face it squarely and embrace it with love. Being horrified only sends it back into the darkness to come out another time when you are more able to love all of yourself. I can assure you no one will judge you as harshly as you judge yourself!

P.S. Life Sculpting Coaching is a powerful, fast track system for getting clear on what is not working, what your options are beyond the “stay or leave” choice, then helping you gently carve away what is not working, and soulfully reshape what remains.

What deep, dark secrets are working their way into the light of your conscious mind? Hard as it may be to face them, loving them is the key to breaking free! To assist you in bringing your “darkness” to the light, feel free to email your experience to me at jennifer@jennifergrainger.com and I’ll zap it with love and light . . . POOF!

Leave your comments below. I’d love to hear from you!

Joyfully,
Jennifer

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