Are you Stuck at a Marriage Crossroad?

December 15th, 2011 by Jennifer Grainger

It is so easy to lose yourself within the compromises and sacrifices we are told we must make for our marriage to work.

Years of compromise and sacrifice can only lead to losing touch with the essence of who we are, if we ever really knew it in the first place.

I don’t know about you, but as a little girl I was spoon-fed the happily-ever-after fairytale before I ever had a chance to create a dream of my own.

Yet each of us is born with gifts to share and talents to develop. That part of us that knew who we were and why we were here, got buried alive in childhood, but she didn’t die. She continues to send out distress signals in the form of heart’s desires and soul longings. Yet, most of us have been trained to stop ourselves from responding to these inner calls to avoid the risk of being considered selfish!

Wow! Talk about a no-win situation!

Reconciling the disparity between the happy hopes and dreams of the wedding day, with the painful unhappiness of the dream unrealized, is truly heart wrenching. It is easy to get stuck in the quicksand of feeling that you can’t leave, and you can’t stay, and the only way out is for one of you to die!

It is an agonizing place to be. I know. I was there a few years ago, myself.

I am here to tell you, no one has to die for you to get clear on who you are, why you are here and how to make space in your life for you to bloom and blossom! And it doesn’t have to take a costly and destructive divorce, either.

It begins with you claiming the truth that life is intended to be joyful. When it is not, there is something in your unconscious programming that is getting in the way of you listening to your heart, trusting its guidance, and being free to be the final authority in how you live your life.

Getting clear on which of your hidden beliefs are life-enhancing, and which are life-draining requires examining the duty, obligation and commitment values instilled at an early age. Asking yourself the questions of “what am I doing, and why am I doing it?” can bring up the beliefs about how you should behave, and what you should think and feel. From there you can ask “says who?” and “is this a belief I’d teach little children?”

It takes courage to take charge of your life; to discard beliefs that others around you choose to hang on to; to claim the right to have the final say-so in how you will live your life; to conclude that your inner-knowing of what feels right for YOU carries more weight than your husband’s (or anyone’s) opinion of how you should look, feel or act.

The mostly unrecognized dilemma women face today is caused by hundreds of years of self-abandonment through subservient behavior. Deep inside our female psyche, we carry the cellular memory of being unable to survive without a man to take care of us.

These centuries of self-abandonment survival strategies are a powerful, unconscious force that continually urge us to suppress our own important needs to fulfill the requests and demands of others.

It is hard to believe that it was less than only two generations ago that women were freed to have careers, to have credit in their own name, to strike out on their own, to be in control of their reproductive capabilities, to choose co-habitation rather than marriage. Yet, that explains why the hundreds of years of programming are able to overpower our 21st century, liberated selves with the most insidious idea of all: “that’s just the way it is.”

There is nowhere to go from there except to numb the emotional suffering with alcohol, “retail therapy” (shopping), staying overbusy, being overly involved in other’s dramas, and anything else one can do to avoid the issue.

Accepting the belief that “that’s just the way it is” leads to a willingness to suffer endless days of low-grade depression, resentment, or melancholy.

BOTTOM LINE: If you have reached a place where continuing to suffer is no longer an option, your mission is obvious. You must clear your psyche of the self-abandonment programming, while uncovering additional unconscious limiting beliefs instilled in your early childhood. This is not an objective you can accomplish on your own. Having a trusted advisor, who has successfully navigated that journey, gives you the confidence to move forward, the empathy that has been so sorely lacking, and provides the road map and all-important regular guidance so that you successfully navigate the journey to having a life that WORKS that you just can’t get from  reading books and going to one-time workshops!

TIP: Getting really honest with yourself about what life-draining things you have been putting up with because you have believed “that’s just the way it is” is a courageous first step to working your way out of the suffering. Just looking at it square in the face has a power all its own.

P.S. You can’t grow yourself, by yourself. Life Sculpting Coaching is a powerful, fast track system for gently carving away what is not working in your life, and soulfully reshaping what remains into the life your heart and soul are yearning for.

P.P.S. The sooner you make the shift from being at the effect in your life, to being in charge of your life, the sooner you can begin to let loose with the creative woman you were born to be, to give to the world what only you can give, and receive all the blessings and gifts the Universe has for you in return.

If you are crying into your pillow at night, or waking up in the night in total despair of your marriage, you are not alone. Millions of women who bought the fairytale are feeling just as trapped and miserable as you are. It doesn’t have to be that way. There are always options to make life better, just sometimes they are hard to find on your own when you are in the depths of despair.

I can help.

I currently have just two openings left for Life Sculpting Coaching clients. To see if this is your next step, go to and click on the Life Sculpting Coaching link, scroll down and fill out the contact form requesting a complimentary 15 – 20 minute telephone session to see if my Be the Woman You Were Born to Be Program is right for you.

I’ll respond with suggested available times and we can set a convenient telephone appointment time. Whether you decide to become a coaching client, or not, you can be sure you will receive a solid next step to break the stuck cycle in the no obligation, introductory Be the Woman You Were Born to Be coaching session. Request your complimentary session now at

I’d love to hear your comments on this post. Just click on the comments link below.


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