Are You Getting Splinters From Sitting On The Fence?

December 29th, 2011 by Jennifer Grainger

If you are getting painful splinters from sitting on the fence in some area of your life, what better time than now, the start of the new year, to resolve to free up the log jam. Prolonged indecision is a major source of emotional distress and mental misery that can only get worse. Life is dynamic, always in motion. You are either moving forward or backward.

As my friend, Patrice, says: “If you don’t tell the Universe what you want, the Universe will give you leftovers!”


In this historic time of accelerated change and escalating uncertainty, with every aspect of life in flux for all of us, you have the greatest opportunity to carve away what is not working in your life, and reshape what remains into a life that you will love; a life that has loads of space for YOU and YOUR dreams!

It takes courage to take charge of your life; to get off the fence at whatever crossroads you’ve been facing; to let go of what is not working and forge ahead with clear intention of what you want to create for yourself.

The things that can keep you stuck at a crossroad are numerous, but here are a few:

1. Confusion. You may not know what you do want. You just know that what you have isn’t it!
2. Fear of what will happen to you if you rock the boat
3. Afraid you will be thought of as selfish, or unreasonable, or ungrateful
4. Not wanting to hurt others feelings

Often your heart’s desire is buried so deep under limiting beliefs such as “it’s not practical,” or “what will people think,” or “I don’t know where to begin,” or “I don’t how I can take care of myself financially” or “I don’t want to disappoint, or hurt (fill in the blank),” and on and on, that keeps you paralyzed at the crossroads until the emotional pain becomes unbearable.

Unfortunately, waiting until the pain is unbearable sets the stage for regrettable conversations, self-sabotaging ultimatums, rash decisions, and destructive actions.

Here’s what you need to do:

1.    Be honest with yourself about what is not working.
The truth will set you free!

2.    Get clear on what you do want.
This is easier said than done, I know! If you don’t know what you do want, start with listing what you don’t want any more of. This will often bring to the surface what you do want.

3.    Create a step-by-step plan to carve away what is not working.
Start with the least volatile area and begin by saying “no” (without guilt or shame) to at least one thing you don’t want more of, and “yes” to at least three things you do want more of.

4.    Reshape what remains through heart-based renegotiation with the people involved in the areas that need to change.
Keep in mind that relationships never end (even with death), they only change. No matter how badly others may have behaved, it is in your own best interest to make the needed changes with grace and ease, rather than with acrimony and bitterness. (Your nervous system and your immune system will thank you!)

BOTTOM LINE: “The way things are, is the way things will be, until a change is made.”(Mary Kay Ash of Mary Kay Cosmetics.) Wishing and hoping that things will change on their own doesn’t work. And, being resentful and tolerating the intolerable ages you inside and out. You must be willing to change the energetic dynamics of a deadlocked situation by taking the first step in doing something (anything!) different. When you shift, others have to shift. It is not possible for things to continue as they have once you have shifted, even if the shift is a little one.

TIP: Ask yourself the question “if nothing changes, what will my life look like five years from now?” If you don’t like the answer, vow to begin the process of change NOW!

P.S. You can’t grow yourself by yourself. Life Sculpting Coaching is a powerful, fast track system for gently carving away what is not working in your life, and soulfully reshaping what remains into the life your heart and soul are yearning for.

I currently have two openings for Life Sculpting Coaching clients. To see if this is your next step, go here and fill out the contact form requesting a complimentary 15 – 20 minute telephone session to see if my Be the Woman You Were Born to Be Program is right for you.

What crossroads are you facing? Email your experience to me at or call me at (209)369-6188. I’d love to hear from you!

Jennifer Recommends
Surrendering to Yourself: You Are Your Own Soul Mate
“Once you come to know who you really are, you are ready for anything.” says author, Iris Krasnow in this autobiographical story of living from truth, uncovering who you are; beyond your parents, marriage, children, career; beyond the expectations of your peer; beyond social games.


This Be the Woman You Were Born to Be blog is published on the 2nd and 4th Wednesdays of each month. I’ll “see” you in our next post on January 11, 2012!

Happy New Year!


Posted in at a crossroads, becoming conscious, expanding consciousness, instability, midlife woman, spiritual practices | No Comments »

Are you Stuck at a Marriage Crossroad?

December 15th, 2011 by Jennifer Grainger

It is so easy to lose yourself within the compromises and sacrifices we are told we must make for our marriage to work.

Years of compromise and sacrifice can only lead to losing touch with the essence of who we are, if we ever really knew it in the first place.

I don’t know about you, but as a little girl I was spoon-fed the happily-ever-after fairytale before I ever had a chance to create a dream of my own.

Yet each of us is born with gifts to share and talents to develop. That part of us that knew who we were and why we were here, got buried alive in childhood, but she didn’t die. She continues to send out distress signals in the form of heart’s desires and soul longings. Yet, most of us have been trained to stop ourselves from responding to these inner calls to avoid the risk of being considered selfish!

Wow! Talk about a no-win situation!

Reconciling the disparity between the happy hopes and dreams of the wedding day, with the painful unhappiness of the dream unrealized, is truly heart wrenching. It is easy to get stuck in the quicksand of feeling that you can’t leave, and you can’t stay, and the only way out is for one of you to die!

It is an agonizing place to be. I know. I was there a few years ago, myself.

I am here to tell you, no one has to die for you to get clear on who you are, why you are here and how to make space in your life for you to bloom and blossom! And it doesn’t have to take a costly and destructive divorce, either.

It begins with you claiming the truth that life is intended to be joyful. When it is not, there is something in your unconscious programming that is getting in the way of you listening to your heart, trusting its guidance, and being free to be the final authority in how you live your life.

Getting clear on which of your hidden beliefs are life-enhancing, and which are life-draining requires examining the duty, obligation and commitment values instilled at an early age. Asking yourself the questions of “what am I doing, and why am I doing it?” can bring up the beliefs about how you should behave, and what you should think and feel. From there you can ask “says who?” and “is this a belief I’d teach little children?”

It takes courage to take charge of your life; to discard beliefs that others around you choose to hang on to; to claim the right to have the final say-so in how you will live your life; to conclude that your inner-knowing of what feels right for YOU carries more weight than your husband’s (or anyone’s) opinion of how you should look, feel or act.

The mostly unrecognized dilemma women face today is caused by hundreds of years of self-abandonment through subservient behavior. Deep inside our female psyche, we carry the cellular memory of being unable to survive without a man to take care of us.

These centuries of self-abandonment survival strategies are a powerful, unconscious force that continually urge us to suppress our own important needs to fulfill the requests and demands of others.

It is hard to believe that it was less than only two generations ago that women were freed to have careers, to have credit in their own name, to strike out on their own, to be in control of their reproductive capabilities, to choose co-habitation rather than marriage. Yet, that explains why the hundreds of years of programming are able to overpower our 21st century, liberated selves with the most insidious idea of all: “that’s just the way it is.”

There is nowhere to go from there except to numb the emotional suffering with alcohol, “retail therapy” (shopping), staying overbusy, being overly involved in other’s dramas, and anything else one can do to avoid the issue.

Accepting the belief that “that’s just the way it is” leads to a willingness to suffer endless days of low-grade depression, resentment, or melancholy.

BOTTOM LINE: If you have reached a place where continuing to suffer is no longer an option, your mission is obvious. You must clear your psyche of the self-abandonment programming, while uncovering additional unconscious limiting beliefs instilled in your early childhood. This is not an objective you can accomplish on your own. Having a trusted advisor, who has successfully navigated that journey, gives you the confidence to move forward, the empathy that has been so sorely lacking, and provides the road map and all-important regular guidance so that you successfully navigate the journey to having a life that WORKS that you just can’t get from  reading books and going to one-time workshops!

TIP: Getting really honest with yourself about what life-draining things you have been putting up with because you have believed “that’s just the way it is” is a courageous first step to working your way out of the suffering. Just looking at it square in the face has a power all its own.

P.S. You can’t grow yourself, by yourself. Life Sculpting Coaching is a powerful, fast track system for gently carving away what is not working in your life, and soulfully reshaping what remains into the life your heart and soul are yearning for.

P.P.S. The sooner you make the shift from being at the effect in your life, to being in charge of your life, the sooner you can begin to let loose with the creative woman you were born to be, to give to the world what only you can give, and receive all the blessings and gifts the Universe has for you in return.

If you are crying into your pillow at night, or waking up in the night in total despair of your marriage, you are not alone. Millions of women who bought the fairytale are feeling just as trapped and miserable as you are. It doesn’t have to be that way. There are always options to make life better, just sometimes they are hard to find on your own when you are in the depths of despair.

I can help.

I currently have just two openings left for Life Sculpting Coaching clients. To see if this is your next step, go to and click on the Life Sculpting Coaching link, scroll down and fill out the contact form requesting a complimentary 15 – 20 minute telephone session to see if my Be the Woman You Were Born to Be Program is right for you.

I’ll respond with suggested available times and we can set a convenient telephone appointment time. Whether you decide to become a coaching client, or not, you can be sure you will receive a solid next step to break the stuck cycle in the no obligation, introductory Be the Woman You Were Born to Be coaching session. Request your complimentary session now at

I’d love to hear your comments on this post. Just click on the comments link below.


Posted in becoming conscious, expanding consciousness, midlife woman, spirituality in relationships | No Comments »