Living in the Unfolding

May 9th, 2012 by Jennifer Grainger

It has been three months since my last newsletter! I have been in “the void” following a couple of intense marketing workshops that have had me dissecting what it is I do, and then attempting to restructure it into a crisp “What Do You Do” statement that succinctly describes “the urgent problem my solution resolves.”

I listened to the advice from the workshop leaders and my tribe of people I met at the workshops who are also honing their What Do You Do statements. With each revision I’ve trotted off to networking meetings to try it out.

Time just flew by as I focused all my attention on finding the magic statement that would clearly identify who I was here to serve: women secretly thinking about getting a divorce, and the solution I was offering: to either help them reshape their marriage by renegotiating it so there was room for them to bloom and blossom, or taking them through the process of dissolving the marriage in a heart-centered and compassionate way that didn’t cost a fortune or make an enemy of their spouse.

The strangest thing happened. Every new client I got, with the exception of one, had a more pressing issue they wanted help with . . . how to get more clients and make sufficient income doing the work they loved!

This left me grateful to be able to show my new clients how to change their mind set from “hating selling” to “being visible to the people who are looking for the solution they offer,” but it also left me confused about my purpose.

I was certain my purpose was to change the face of divorce in America, given the beautiful way Dave and I stepped onto different life paths, ending our 25 year marriage without severing the love we have for each other. But what I found after months of networking is that apparently most women don’t want to make an appointment for a free coaching session to assess their marriage. I am guessing they don’t want to think about divorce until they are sure how it will all work out if they do get a divorce.

Couple that with a tremendous willingness and capacity to suffer unhappiness for years on end hoping something will change (I did that!), and my “solution” is apparently not one women were looking for.

Back to the drawing board!

So this has left me in marketing limbo, not knowing how to take my basic message of “carving away the good girl you were trained to be, to reveal the woman you were born to be, so we can sculpt the life your heart and soul are yearning for,” which I LOVE . . . and integrate it into the niche of helping women market their heart-based business to get more clients and be abundantly financially self-sufficient.

Or maybe there is another niche I am destined to serve. I don’t know. So I am living in the unfolding . . . letting the puzzle pieces come to me, knowing that at some point, it will all fall into place. Since I don’t know when that will happen, I decided it was time to resurface and let you at least know what is going on with me. It is also an opportunity to share my “living in the unfolding” process in the hopes you might find it useful for your own “unresolved dilemmas,” if you have any (smile)!

Here is what I have learned in the last three months. Life is an unending series of dilemmas. And the choices I make are the blueprint for what comes next.

I’ve also become convinced that the Universe has my back (and yours) because every “catastrophe” has resolved in a way that nurtured my ability to trust life. In a light bulb moment I “knew” that everything that happens, no matter how it looks, is purposeful and for my highest good.

When I stay in present time, and let each situation unfold moment by moment, holding the truth that even though I can’t see how there can be a good outcome, I can trust that if I stay connected to my guidance, stay out of fear, and just do the next thing in front of me to do, it will work out in ways I might never have considered.

Actually, it is easier than you might think, once you get the hang of trusting that no matter what happens you will always know what to do (or not do) in any given moment. The key phrase here is “in any given moment.” That means not projecting disastrous scenarios into the future and then worrying that it might happen, but instead to keep a steady focus on how you’d like it to be and to ask High Quality Questions around the desired outcome. This way the power of your thought is on creating the desired outcome rather than the undesired, disastrous one.

This “living in the unfolding” is working really well for me and my clients, too . . . lots less worry, more trust, which results in a calmer, more serene day-to-day experience.

There is not a lot of cultural support for living in the unfolding so you need to have some people in your life who are wanting to live with more joy and less struggle, too; who are willing to exchange worrying about what they don’t want, to focusing on what they do want.

Simple, but not easy.

BOTTOM LINE: We truly do create our own reality by how we choose to view the circumstances of our life. We get to name it as “it shouldn’t be happening,” and create a lot of drama and story about how bad it is (or “they” are), or. . .  accepting “what is” and taking it one moment at a time, doing what is right in front of us to do, trusting that it is purposeful in some way.

TIP: The single most important thing you can do to have more joy and less struggle in your life is to surround yourself with people who have given up the role of victim; who refuse to play the blame game; who believe the Universe is friendly, and that everything that happens is for our highest good.

P.S. Life Sculpting Coaching is a powerful, fast track system for getting clear on what is not working, what your options are in any given situation, then helping you gently carve away what is not working, and soulfully reshape what remains.

I currently have three openings for Life Sculpting Coaching clients. To see if this is your next step, go here and fill out the contact form requesting a complimentary 15 – 20 minute telephone session to see if my Be the Woman You Were Born to Be Program is right for you.

I’ll respond with an email containing a link to my online calendar of available times for you to schedule a convenient telephone appointment time.

If you have that feeling that you want something different for your life, but not sure what it is . . .  you just know that what you’ve got isn’t it . . . consider a free introductory coaching call to get a clear next step.

If you have any comments about this newsletter, I’d LOVE to hear from YOU!  Leave your comments below or contact me at .



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Life is Miserable When You Are Stuck at a Crossroads

January 12th, 2012 by Jennifer Grainger

If you are not at a crossroads in your marriage or long term relationship,   and don’t know anyone who is, you probably won’t find this newsletter interesting enough to read all the way to the bottom for the solution.

On the other hand, you might want to keep a copy in the event that someone in your life may be getting ready to drop the news on you that they have been at a crossroads for a while and have finally gotten the courage to move on.

You see, 2012 is going to be a year when what hasn’t been working in people’s lives . . . what has been tolerated just to keep the peace . . . what’s been swept under the rug is going to become intolerable. What’s been unsaid is going to get said. What’s been on the back burner is going to boil over.

Here’s how I know. When people feel threatened or backed into a corner, they do the craziest things. And the more uncertain life becomes, the faster the insecurities pile up, until one day . . . BAM! The stuff hits the fan.

A look at the political arena demonstrates that craziness is rampant today, and a precursor to the falling apart that is happening in all sectors.

Take marriage, for instance. 50 years ago, if he brought home sufficient bacon, and she cooked it well, that qualified as a good marriage.

Wow! Times have changed. The centuries old structure of marriage is collapsing under the strain of expecting our partners to fulfill all of our emotional, physical, mental and spiritual needs!

Yet, that is what the fairy tale promised . . . your Prince would sweep you off your feet, and you’d live happily ever after!

Here’s the kicker . . . the fairy tale left out the most important component of a great relationship . . . a fully authentic YOU! If you have spent years attempting to make things work, doing all the things you have been told were the right way to do it, you have likely lost connection with your own true self!

It’s just a guess, but it makes sense that women who bought the fairy tale have greater expectations of marriage than men, which explains why men are seldom the ones who say “Honey, we need to talk!”

From my admittedly unscientific observation, it appears that it takes less for men to be satisfied in their marriage than women, which leads women to work hard to get to their husbands to change so they can get their needs met, whether they be emotional, physical or spiritual.

While you might be willing to settle for not having your important needs satisfied because you have been convinced that “that’s just the way it is,” your heart and soul won’t give up asking for what they need to feel nourished and alive. As the years go by your heart and soul become increasingly demanding (you feel increasingly unhappy) until the idea of divorce starts showing up.

If your heart and soul are dying of starvation, and you’ve tried everything you can think of to make your marriage better, and you want to leave, but feel you can’t because you . . .

. . . don’t want to hurt him

. . . don’t know how you’d take care of yourself financially

. . . might be worried about the effect on the children, if you have them (even if they are grown)

. . . could be afraid of what your family and friends will think

. . . have fear that you’ll never find love again

. . . are afraid of a costly and destructive divorce

you have the miserable dilemma of being stuck on the merry-go-round of wanting to leave and feeling trapped that you can’t. This misery drains joy out of life, stresses your immune system, and ages you faster than smoking cigarettes and too much sun!

It is the fairy tale that is the root of the misery. It promised a fantasy that no man can fulfill. Yet the needs of your heart and soul are valid, too.

Oh, what to do, what to do?!

1. Take your attention off the relationship and put it on yourself for awhile. Treat yourself like a new friend. Get to know what you like and don’t like. What you want more of. What you want less of. Pay attention to yourself. Do things to please yourself.

2. Start saying “NO” to what you don’t want to do. Only say “YES” when your whole body feels good about it.

3. Fire anyone who has an authority position in your personal life. YOU are the best judge of what is right for you. Your opinion of what feels right to you deserves the highest priority.

4. Take note of how many years you have been taking care of others. Note how many years you likely have left on the planet. Decide when it gets to be your turn to be #1 for awhile.

5. Get clear that it is not wrong or selfish for your needs to have equal importance with everyone else’s.

6. Get support to back you up when those who have had a free ride for way too long start complaining. No one grows themselves by themselves. It takes substantial support to excavate your authentic self, and step into being the woman you were born to be. From that place you become the final authority in your life about what is right for YOU! No one else’s opinion counts as much as yours does when it comes to making choices that affect your well-being.

Today it isn’t longevity that defines a successful marriage, but one in which space is made for each party to thrive and flourish . . . where compromise and sacrifice give way to taking the time to negotiate until everyone’s needs are met, with neither having to sacrifice their important needs “for the sake of the marriage.”

Perhaps you have hopes that your marriage (or long term relationship) can be “saved,” but you don’t know what to try next.

Or, perhaps you have passed the point-of-no-return in your marriage and absolutely know it is time to move on, though you’d like it to be amicable, you may not know where to start.

BOTTOM LINE: If things are not working for you, you can be sure they are not working for your partner! If you are miserable, so is your partner, whether they show it or not. Getting honest with yourself about where you stand is the first step in taking charge of your life to get off the merry-go-round of indecision. Wishing and hoping that things will change on their own doesn’t work. When you shift, others have to shift. Nobody has to die for you to be happy!

TIP: Getting clear on what you want without getting derailed by the not knowing HOW you could make it happen, is the very first step. Once you decide, whether it is to stay and work on it a little longer, or call it complete, the Universe steps in to bring to you all the resources you will need. All you have to do is recognize them and say “yes” to them.

P.S. Life Sculpting Coaching is a powerful, fast track system for gently carving away what is not working in your life, and soulfully reshaping what remains into the life your heart and soul are yearning for.

I currently have three openings for Life Sculpting Coaching clients. To see if this is your next step, go here and fill out the contact form requesting a complimentary 15 – 20 minute telephone session to see if my Be the Woman You Were Born to Be Program is right for you.
I’ll respond with suggested available times and we can set a convenient telephone appointment time.

Whether you decide to become a coaching client, or not, you can be sure you will receive a solid next step to break the stuck cycle in the no obligation, introductory Be the Woman You Were Born to Be coaching session. Go here now to request your complimentary session.

What crossroads are you facing? Leave your comments below. I’d love to hear from you!



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Are you Stuck at a Marriage Crossroad?

December 15th, 2011 by Jennifer Grainger

It is so easy to lose yourself within the compromises and sacrifices we are told we must make for our marriage to work.

Years of compromise and sacrifice can only lead to losing touch with the essence of who we are, if we ever really knew it in the first place.

I don’t know about you, but as a little girl I was spoon-fed the happily-ever-after fairytale before I ever had a chance to create a dream of my own.

Yet each of us is born with gifts to share and talents to develop. That part of us that knew who we were and why we were here, got buried alive in childhood, but she didn’t die. She continues to send out distress signals in the form of heart’s desires and soul longings. Yet, most of us have been trained to stop ourselves from responding to these inner calls to avoid the risk of being considered selfish!

Wow! Talk about a no-win situation!

Reconciling the disparity between the happy hopes and dreams of the wedding day, with the painful unhappiness of the dream unrealized, is truly heart wrenching. It is easy to get stuck in the quicksand of feeling that you can’t leave, and you can’t stay, and the only way out is for one of you to die!

It is an agonizing place to be. I know. I was there a few years ago, myself.

I am here to tell you, no one has to die for you to get clear on who you are, why you are here and how to make space in your life for you to bloom and blossom! And it doesn’t have to take a costly and destructive divorce, either.

It begins with you claiming the truth that life is intended to be joyful. When it is not, there is something in your unconscious programming that is getting in the way of you listening to your heart, trusting its guidance, and being free to be the final authority in how you live your life.

Getting clear on which of your hidden beliefs are life-enhancing, and which are life-draining requires examining the duty, obligation and commitment values instilled at an early age. Asking yourself the questions of “what am I doing, and why am I doing it?” can bring up the beliefs about how you should behave, and what you should think and feel. From there you can ask “says who?” and “is this a belief I’d teach little children?”

It takes courage to take charge of your life; to discard beliefs that others around you choose to hang on to; to claim the right to have the final say-so in how you will live your life; to conclude that your inner-knowing of what feels right for YOU carries more weight than your husband’s (or anyone’s) opinion of how you should look, feel or act.

The mostly unrecognized dilemma women face today is caused by hundreds of years of self-abandonment through subservient behavior. Deep inside our female psyche, we carry the cellular memory of being unable to survive without a man to take care of us.

These centuries of self-abandonment survival strategies are a powerful, unconscious force that continually urge us to suppress our own important needs to fulfill the requests and demands of others.

It is hard to believe that it was less than only two generations ago that women were freed to have careers, to have credit in their own name, to strike out on their own, to be in control of their reproductive capabilities, to choose co-habitation rather than marriage. Yet, that explains why the hundreds of years of programming are able to overpower our 21st century, liberated selves with the most insidious idea of all: “that’s just the way it is.”

There is nowhere to go from there except to numb the emotional suffering with alcohol, “retail therapy” (shopping), staying overbusy, being overly involved in other’s dramas, and anything else one can do to avoid the issue.

Accepting the belief that “that’s just the way it is” leads to a willingness to suffer endless days of low-grade depression, resentment, or melancholy.

BOTTOM LINE: If you have reached a place where continuing to suffer is no longer an option, your mission is obvious. You must clear your psyche of the self-abandonment programming, while uncovering additional unconscious limiting beliefs instilled in your early childhood. This is not an objective you can accomplish on your own. Having a trusted advisor, who has successfully navigated that journey, gives you the confidence to move forward, the empathy that has been so sorely lacking, and provides the road map and all-important regular guidance so that you successfully navigate the journey to having a life that WORKS that you just can’t get from  reading books and going to one-time workshops!

TIP: Getting really honest with yourself about what life-draining things you have been putting up with because you have believed “that’s just the way it is” is a courageous first step to working your way out of the suffering. Just looking at it square in the face has a power all its own.

P.S. You can’t grow yourself, by yourself. Life Sculpting Coaching is a powerful, fast track system for gently carving away what is not working in your life, and soulfully reshaping what remains into the life your heart and soul are yearning for.

P.P.S. The sooner you make the shift from being at the effect in your life, to being in charge of your life, the sooner you can begin to let loose with the creative woman you were born to be, to give to the world what only you can give, and receive all the blessings and gifts the Universe has for you in return.

If you are crying into your pillow at night, or waking up in the night in total despair of your marriage, you are not alone. Millions of women who bought the fairytale are feeling just as trapped and miserable as you are. It doesn’t have to be that way. There are always options to make life better, just sometimes they are hard to find on your own when you are in the depths of despair.

I can help.

I currently have just two openings left for Life Sculpting Coaching clients. To see if this is your next step, go to and click on the Life Sculpting Coaching link, scroll down and fill out the contact form requesting a complimentary 15 – 20 minute telephone session to see if my Be the Woman You Were Born to Be Program is right for you.

I’ll respond with suggested available times and we can set a convenient telephone appointment time. Whether you decide to become a coaching client, or not, you can be sure you will receive a solid next step to break the stuck cycle in the no obligation, introductory Be the Woman You Were Born to Be coaching session. Request your complimentary session now at

I’d love to hear your comments on this post. Just click on the comments link below.


Posted in becoming conscious, expanding consciousness, midlife woman, spirituality in relationships | No Comments »

Who Said Compromise and Sacrifice Are Necessary?

October 26th, 2011 by Jennifer Grainger

Without exception, whenever I suggest that compromise and sacrifice are not only NOT necessary to create and sustain great relationships, but are actually detrimental to having fabulous relationships, I meet with intractable resistance to that very notion!

Does this idea bring up a “you gotta be kidding!” resistance in your mind, too?

This false belief in the necessity of compromise and sacrifice is so deep in our culture that I don’t think I have ever convinced anyone that a true “win-win” is even possible, though Lord knows, I have tried!

I am truly amazed at the amount of suffering people will put up with in their lives because they falsely believe “that’s just the way it is.”

In my birth family, suffering was noble. How many times did I hear “that’s just your cross to bear, dear?”

What B.S.! And so unnecessary!

Vic Baranco, now deceased, founder of the Morehouse Community, was the originator of that term “win-win.” His goal was that each person in a negotiation would come away with MORE than they wanted. Yet, somehow the term “win-win” has deteriorated to mean “you give up a little of what would satisfy your heart and soul, and I will give up a little of what would satisfy my heart and soul, and we will gracefully agree to this sacrifice for the ‘good’ of the relationship.”

Isn’t it time to take charge of your life? What if you accepted that whatever you are experiencing in your life is there because you have agreed for it to be there? You may feel sad about it, or mad about it, or hopeless about it, and believe there is nothing you can do about it.

Not true! It is just that no one has shown you how to talk long enough and deep enough to find a way for everyone to get their needs met. The false belief is that compromise and sacrifice are required and in fact, your willingness to compromise and sacrifice have been equated with how good a person you are!

Its time to evolve past that old, limiting belief! You can take charge of your life, by taking back the power you were born with and had socialized out of you, by taking responsibility for how you experience the events and circumstances in your life.

Here are the steps to take:

1. Decide if you are in agreement with “how things are.” If you are, then you have nothing to complain about. If not, decide you will discover what false beliefs you have that support your agreement to having this experience in your life, then commit to making whatever change is necessary.

Oh yeah . . . a little plug for coaching . . . it really helps a lot to have a coach asking the inspired, penetrating questions that will take you right to the heart of the matter, and uncover what’s not working for you. You know, you really can’t grow yourself by yourself! None of us can. That is why every good coach has a coach.

2. When you realize you are not in agreement with something going on in your life, tell the truth, first to yourself, and then to those involved. If it is too scary to face the possible consequences alone, get support (hint, hint, hello . . . coaching)!

BOTTOM LINE: The willingness to suffer leads to suffering. If you won’t claim your birthright to live a happy, joyful life, there is not much the Universe can do for you.

TIP: Start with some small irritation that you have been tolerating just to keep the peace. Tell the truth about it. Re-negotiate your agreement by saying “this just doesn’t work for me anymore.”

P.S. Almost none of us had a “win-win” communication style modeled for us. You’ll need to educate yourself on how to up level your relationship communication skills. Yes, it’s work, and worth it!

So where are you on the happiness chart?

-  Ecstatic with joy at how much you love your life?
-  Experiencing Ups and Downs, but mostly ups?
-  Experiencing Ups and Downs, but mostly downs?
-  Suffering from chronic dissatisfaction with not very many moments of genuine joy?
-  Deeply depressed?

If you are suffering from chronic dissatisfaction, or are deeply depressed (often caused by constipated anger!), there is help available. You just need to decide you are ready to give up the willingness to suffer, and the false belief that “that’s just the way it is,” and reach out and ask for help.

Give me a call, 209-369-6188, or email me and set up a f.r.e.e. 20 minutes introductory coaching session. I guarantee in that 20 minutes we will find a breath of fresh air for you and an open door you can step through.

I’d love to hear your comments on the topic of compromise and sacrifice and how your beliefs are working for you. Leave your comments below, or give me a call. 209-369-6188.

This newsletter is published on the 2nd and 4th Wednesdays of each month. I’ll “see” you in our next newsletter on November 9th.


Posted in becoming conscious, evolution, evolution of humanity, expanding consciousness, spirituality in relationships | No Comments »

Ready or Not, I AM Coming Out!

August 24th, 2011 by Jennifer Grainger

Did  you ever see the classic “I Love Lucy” episode where she and Ethel are working in the chocolate factory? The one where they’re trying to keep up with the conveyor belt delivering the candies for wrapping? It reminds me of the speed at which “opportunities for growth” have been coming at all of us!

Keeping up with this evolutionary transition of letting go of the old, while embracing the new is affecting everyone . . .  aristocrats, peasants, and the weary middle class alike. Everyone, everywhere, is feeling it in some, or even many, areas of their lives.

What I have been letting go of is hiding behind my computer and my role as spiritual teacher who is here simply to hold the space for people to explore their spirituality . . . a lovely and worthwhile venture, and also one that has been quite safe!

What I have been called to do is to be a stand for growing past old social and cultural values that keep people, and particularly women, restrained from living their destiny and contributing what it is they are here to contribute.

My taking a stand that says the old values of duty, obligation, commitment, loyalty, compromise, sacrifice for the good of the family, etcetera are not only outdated, but they’ve become obstacles to living your destiny . . . well, that has ruffled more than a few feathers!

As one who was often sent to my room because I was “too sensitive,” (my feelings were easily hurt) being willing to make myself a possible target for airborne rotten fruit by publically challenging these cherished values is a big coming out!

Yet these old values are the very dragons at the gateway to higher consciousness that must be slain in order for us to live our lives On Purpose as our Authentic Selves and do what it is we came here to do!

I’ve been in the in-between stage for quite a few months now . . . continuing to hold small spiritual gatherings in my home, and teaching the very esoteric Awakening Your Light Body course, while at the same time taking to the stage giving talks and getting very clear on how to make myself visible to the people I was born to serve . . . the women who are living the story that was once my story . . . the women who are looking for the “way out” that I found, and am here to reveal.

You see, growing up I was trained to be a cross between Betty Crocker and Cinderella. When the fairytale didn’t materialize (despite the fairytale wedding), I, of course, concluded it was my fault. Somehow I must not be doing it right.

I so desperately wanted to make the fairytale come true, that without my really realizing it, my Betty-rella persona morphed into a Stepford wife, and there I lived for decades with a low-grade unhappiness most of the time, wishing and hoping and trying to fix things so my husband would change. Then we could live happily ever after.


Now that’s a fairytale!

It has been a very long journey of looking for my happiness to come from someone or something outside of myself. It took time, courage, determination, and lots of support from teachers and mentors (who seemed to show up just when I needed them) to discover that not only am I the creator of my reality, but also that I am the final authority in my life.

Embracing the truth that no one outside of me has the right to dictate to me what my calling is and how I am allowed to answer the call is an awesome responsibility and an amazing freedom. This freedom to answer the call of my destiny was birthed by the previous generations of astonishingly courageous women who rose up against suppression and oppression of feminine power and paved the way for today’s women to stand fully in their power, if they so choose.

The key phrase is “if they so choose,” because choosing to stand fully in one’s power most often means defying the status quo by rocking the boat, or even jumping ship. This is usually not well received by the one who has taken for granted their right to the role of Captain!

As we speak (so to speak) I am preparing to “come out” as Jennifer T. Grainger, Life Sculptor, showing women who bought the fairytale, like I did, how to carefully carve away what’s not working in their lives, and guiding them as they reshape what remains into the life they were born to live, and that their hearts and souls are pleading for!

That’s what I did. And, rotten fruit be damned, I am gonna’ be shouting it from the rooftops that you can do it, too!

BOTTOM LINE: It took me 20 years to piece it together that what was missing in my life was me! Be on the lookout for the launch of my new Life Sculpting Coaching Program to teach “fairytale weary” women how to uncover their Authentic selves, and do in months what took me years!

This newsletter is published on the 2nd and 4th Wednesdays of each month. I’ll “see” you in our next newsletter September 14th.

Love and light,

P.S. I’d love to hear from you. Did you buy the fairytale too? Is there someone in your life who believes they have the right to dictate to you how to live your life? Are you ready to choose to stand in your power and declare yourself as the one who has the final say so of how you live your life? Please do make your comments below. I really do want to know how you are moving forward in your life!

Posted in becoming conscious, evolution, expanding consciousness, spiritual experiences, spiritual practices, spiritual principles, spirituality in relationships | No Comments »

The Positive Value of Negative Thoughts & Feelings

December 22nd, 2010 by Jennifer Grainger

I saw a photo of my friends, Susana and Richard on Facebook when I went in to wish Richard a Happy Birthday last Thursday. Wow! They looked so fabulous, so happy, so vibrant and obviously flourishing in their new Hawaii location.

But the oddest thing happened. I noticed a shift in my energy that went down scale just a tiny bit. Probably a year or two ago I wouldn’t have even noticed it as it was happening. It probably would have percolated below the surface of my awareness and eventually shown up as me being in a “bad mood” or “funk” for no apparent reason.

I wondered if it was jealousy I was feeling. No, jealousy is the fear of losing something I already have. It felt more likely envy, wanting what someone else has that I don’t have. Was I envious because Susana has a mate that is on the spiritual growth path with her and I don’t? Or that doors are opening for her in ways they are not opening for me right now as I sit in retreat, regroup and reinvent mode? Was I envious of her youth and beauty? Much as I hated to admit it, it could have been any, or all of those things.

Digging deeper, I asked myself, “When have I felt this way before?” because I know that anytime I get emotionally “triggered” there is some pocket of unresolved emotional trauma that’s been activated. I wondered, “what pattern is being replicated here?” I filed the unanswered question in the pondering section of my brain and went to bed.

I awoke at 3 a.m. and it was totally clear what the photo had activated in me. Here was the gold . . . the positive value this negative feeling of envy was giving me.

I “saw” a very clear picture of me as a small child. Lonely and unloved. I am seeing my parents hugging and kissing and totally ignoring me, as if I were invisible, I am without emotion, observing the scene like an impartial journalist simply reporting what’s happening. I see I am completely separated from my parents. I am an outsider looking in. I’m wanting them to notice me, because if they notice me then that means I am OK.

“Oh,” I thought, “why did I never see before how unimportant it is that others see me and acknowledge me? I’ve been barking up the wrong tree all my life looking outside of myself for validation of my worth, when my worthiness is a given. It is a given for every person. There is nothing I have to do to be worthy or to prove my worthiness. What a futile journey this has been.”

In a very matter-of-fact way my guide told me that I was now ready to become self-validating. Yes, I could clearly see that. He explained that now that I could see that every event is the result of matching energy vibrations that emanate from within me, I am the only valid authority that can determine whether I am aligned with life or not. No one outside of me can know what is right for me better than I can know it for myself. I have all the skills necessary to navigate life. I can trust my inner compass that lets me know when I am in alignment, and when I am not. And I have all the tools I need to get realigned when I am off track. I have no need for anyone’s approval, acceptance or acknowledgment to feel OK about myself. Wow!

With this realization I was flooded with that “peace that passes understanding.” I fumbled for the lamp switch so I could see to write this down. I knew from past experience that although the enlightenment would stay with me, I wouldn’t remember the details, and I needed to remember the details so I could tell YOU! That’s my job, man!

There is still a lot of work to do. Knowing that there is gold to be mined by dissecting negative thoughts and feelings to get to the root of a false belief, and diligently doing the work are two entirely different things!

But no worries . . . if we won’t do the work, if we are satisfied to blame someone or something outside of ourselves as the cause of our discomfort, the Universe will do the work for us. Trust me. It is a lot less painful to step out of victim consciousness and do the work ourselves! Being drug through a knothole backwards to strip us of baggage that we refuse to let go of is not a walk in the park, for sure! Take my advice: stay ahead of the game by paying attention to when you are out of the flow, or you might call it being “off center,” or grumpy, or cranky. Take it as a sign that there is some false belief you need to let go of, take full responsibility for dealing with it, then get busy.

If you don’t know what to do, reach out for help! Call me for a coaching session, which will include a channeling or guided meditation that you can listen to over and over. Or contact one of the practitioners listed on the Spiritual Growth Community website.

Or if you know what to do, but are in too much overwhelm to pull it together, get help! I do! These are extremely challenging times. We are clearing lifetimes of garbage from our energetic systems. We will each need help from time to time.

My guides have told me that while 2010 was the Year of Light in which there would be no more secrets, 2011 will be the Year of Clearing in which we must clean the slate in order to be in alignment with the increased frequency vibration that is currently down pouring on the planet, and which will accelerate to tsunami proportions in 2011!

BOTTOM LINE: Just as there are many stages of physical growth—infant, toddler, child, teenager, young adult, middle-aged adult, senior adult—each stage (hopefully) building on the next (I’m sure you know a few people in arrested development that, although they have aged, they have not “grown up” very much), there are also many stages of consciousness growth.

Forty plus years ago there was no awareness that our thoughts were creating our reality. As that became mainstream we worked to learn ways to change our thoughts to create more harmony, joy and peace in our lives. It has been a good thing. We have expanded our awareness of what goes on in our monkey-minds. We have learned many ways to take charge of the unpleasant effects of “negative” thinking.

This has taken us to the “young adult” stage of consciousness expansion. And there is way more growing for us to do! We are shifting from old paradigm “human doings” to new paradigm “human beings.”  Each step along the way is a source of more Joy and less struggle in our daily lives. Now, instead of trying to get rid of our negative thoughts and emotions, we can use them to accelerate our growth. They are pointers that can guide us to uncover false beliefs and hidden traumas that must be cleared in order for us to live 5th dimensionally, that is, in joy, peace and harmony.

TIP: Recurring “negative” patterns in your life are a BIG clue that there is work to do. Getting beyond blaming people or life for what is showing us in our lives (transcending victim consciousness) is a basic step. As long as we are seeing the source of our experience as outside of ourselves we are powerless to make changes. That makes us victims of life. Not everyone wants to do the work necessary to take back their power. It is so much easier to be the victim, but not very rewarding or fun!

P.S. Now more than ever we must be walking our talk. We start by believing that the Universe is friendly and that everything that happens is for our highest good. Until the believing becomes a knowing, we are just talking heads! And believing becomes knowing by walking your talk until that moment arrives when grace descends upon you and the belief moves from your head to your heart, where it becomes knowing. Hallelujah when that day arrives! In the meantime you gotta just keep on truckin’!

P.P.S. The more you hang around other pioneering souls on the path of conscious evolution, the more you will see the many blessings that arise from the ashes of apparent disaster, the easier it is to trust, and the faster you will grow! As Ascended Master Maha Cohan said in his message to the Spiritual Growth Community members in our last teleclass “find someone who is walking their talk and follow in their footsteps until you get the hang of walking your talk. Once your believing becomes knowing then you can strike out on your own and make the way for others to follow you.”

How are you experiencing the rapid changes? I want to hear from you! Click on the comments link below to leave your thoughts, insights and experiences.

Until next time . . .

Love and light,


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The Light is Definitely Increasing on the Planet

October 22nd, 2010 by Jennifer Grainger

At the beginning of 2010, my guide (at the time), Abraham, (I’ve since connected with a new guide, Otmon, but that’s another story) said 2010 would be the year that the light was going to penetrate the darkness and there would be no more secrets.

The daily news, with its regular revelations of infidelity (Tiger Woods), corruption (Bell City), appalling greed (Wall Street Banks), barbaric laws (stoning to death), and on and on are confirming the truth of that!

And with the advent of hidden camera technology there is no longer any such thing as “behind closed doors” being a guarantee of privacy.

But Abraham went further. When he said “no more secrets,” that included our own Shadow selves would be forced into the light, as well as those behaviors we attempt to hide from others.

Here’s a tip: if you are doing something you’d be ashamed for others to know about, either stop doing it, or drop the shame and embrace the behavior as something that works for you! In either case, you will free up a bushel of  positive energy that was being drained off trying to keep the behavior under wraps.

Now the good news!

Because we are living in this time of accelerated evolution, with expanding consciousness taking the lead, we are rapidly becoming a telepathic species.

Science has been measuring brain waves for decades.  Thoughts leave our brain as measurable energy. The more conscious we become the more we sense others thoughts. Since 99% of the people I interact with are consciously expanding their consciousness their ability to know what and when I am thinking about them, and them about me, is increasing .

I’ve wondered if I put aluminum foil around my head would that contain the negative thoughts I have during one of those (rare) descents into the 3rd dimensional trauma/drama reality when I have fallen into victim consciousness and think someone or something else is the source of my misery!

If you know the answer to the efficacy of the aluminum foil idea please let me know!

The point here is the concept of personal privacy no longer exists and it is not coming back. And we won’t need it because those who shifted into the new consciousness will have nothing to hide, and those who didn’t shift will be rerouted to other realms that match their vibration.

Shift or Die!

It will be interesting to see what guidance will come through at the end of this year about what the  major theme will be in 2011. I am already being told that 2011 is going to fly by even faster than 2010. It is all about letting go of what is trying to leave our lives so we can be ready to step into higher vibrational living that is based on partnership not patriarchy, and collaboration not control, and love not fear.

Oh, yes. If you are interested in expanding your consciousness so you can know what others are thinking about YOU, come on over to our Gathering of Pioneering Souls one of these times where consciousness expansion and aligning with the cosmic energies are the happening thing!

Got a comment, be sure to enter it below.

Love and light,


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Spirituality, Sexuality and Sensuality

July 28th, 2010 by Jennifer Grainger

You know, having been married most of my life, entering the 21st century dating scene four years ago when I became single was daunting to say the least. Traditional dating that I grew up with, going out with someone who I’d pre-qualified as marriage material to assess their suitability, has apparently become “so last century.” Or perhaps that’s just the case for women “of a certain age,” many of whom have no interest in getting married again, anyway.  Maybe modern dating is still centered around mate selection for the twentysomethings and thirtysomethings!

In any case, you could say that “clueless” pretty much summed up my dating acumen!

The Universe always provides what I need as I need it, so I didn’t stay clueless for long. Sex and the Seasoned Woman: Pursuing the Passionate Life, by Gail Sheehy quickly found its way to me. This was the beginning of opening my mind to viewing sex outside the framework of church-dictated values.

In my first year of singlehood I relished my weekly calls with Georgia Dow, spiritual counselor extra ordinaire as she deftly captured my unconscious beliefs around sexuality, and, metaphorically speaking, pinned them to a board for me to thoroughly examine.

She did this with questions like, “Who says so? How do you know that is true? According to whom?” when I would state a rule I had adopted as “right” (the breaking of which would be “wrong”) .

With Georgia’s patient guidance I slowly began to think for myself and gain confidence in exploring what worked for me and what didn’t.

In this four year process of diligently deconstructing the moralistic, Victorian values I grew up with, I’ve had to come to terms with being a spiritual teacher, and a woman of a certain age, who is sexually active outside of traditional marriage.

In the deconstruction process I have had the good fortune to connect with elements of our society that believe that pleasure is actually good for you . . . and the people around you!

I’ll drink to that! (and sing, and dance and eat good food, and laugh, and love and anything else that comes my way that brings me pleasure and causes no harm.)

I love the phrase “responsible hedonist” that I learned from the pleasure mavens at Lafayette Morehouse intentional community. It gave me plenty of new information to ponder and integrate.

I’ll save the details for my next book, but you can trust me when I say, not only have I learned a lot about modern dating,  I have had a lot of time to contemplate the sexual “morality” I grew up with.

This led to wondering how pleasure got such a bad reputation.

Here is my best guess based on the little I know about pre-Christian (that would be Pagan) life. These pre-organized-religion folks lived lives inextricably entwined with nature. Rites, festivals, and ceremonies abounded in which sex was a major activity . . . an integral part of nature’s reproductive process.

By and by, along came Patriarchy with its organized religion and property-rights concepts whose destiny it appears to have been to obliterate these enjoyable practices. Sex morphed from natural and enjoyable to sinful and wrong outside of an imposed rigid framework of rules.


Thankfully the ‘60s Flower Children came on the scene. Woodstock happened . . . and the rest is history!

I’m intrigued by the number of women in their 30s who have shared with me their deep questioning of the cultural values of sensuality and sexuality, monogamy and  heterosexuality. They seem to be asking the same questions of “who says so?” and “what makes (fill in the blank) wrong?”

I’m also amazed at their integrity in honoring their bodies needs above their husband’s desires, making obligatory, marital sexual intercourse “so last century,” too.

I am also intrigued by the growing diversity of living arrangements and relationship arrangements that people are creating to meet their needs better than what tradition has offered. Polyamory, for example, which means having non-exclusive intimate relationships within a group of three or more people with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.

While this appears to be a really far-out idea, it is really not so far from actual practice of a large percentage of our population who already engage in multiple intimate relationships (just think infidelity). The difference is it is done in secret, as opposed to everyone involved knowing each other, and knowing that it is going on, and being in agreement with it.

As I stated in my February 12, 2010 blog post No More Secrets! 2010 has become the year when the light is penetrating the shadows, and that which has been secret is coming into the light. This is certainly proving to be true, much to the chagrin of some politicians! For us to “own” behaviors previously kept secret is right in line with the evolutionary trend towards transparency.

How all this will play out, I certainly do not know. All I do know is that I am being called to take a stand to re-integrate spirituality, sexuality and sensuality. Healing the rift between “the Church” and sex is a big part of this next phase of human evolution. A person operating from a state of expanded consciousness, that has integrated thought with feelings and emotions, has the capacity to be in charge of their sexual energy in ways that can benefit the highest good of all involved. No outside authority needed, thank you very much!

BOTTOM LINE: It appears that humanity is evolving beyond the old paradigm of right/wrong thinking into one based on the recognition of the oneness of life.

New values are emerging:

• appreciating diversity

• co-creation rather than domination (of nature and each other)

• living in the flow of life-force energy rather than by the clock

A wider diversity of acceptable behaviors is emerging in all areas of life, including the expression of our sexuality. New ways of relating will require new relationship skills. Handling emotions of jealousy, and possessiveness, developing enlightened communication styles and living an impeccably honest and transparent life will be prerequisites to navigating the changes on the horizon.

TIP: The days of Privacy and Secrets are rapidly coming to an end. Capturing “private” conversations as they travel cyberspace is an everyday occurrence. With photos and videos taken with cell phones, special glasses that can let you “see” in the dark, surveillance cameras everywhere, and the ability to broadcast tweets to unlimited numbers of people instantly . . . there is very little room to hide. The key to success in the new paradigm is to live your life with integrity, honesty and transparency. To do otherwise will surely prove regrettable.

P.S. The sooner you claim your right to living a pleasurable life and extinguish remnants of old paradigm guilt, the more you make the way for others to do the same. Imagine a world of pleasure-filled people . . . might be hard to drum up interest in going to war, doncha’ think?!

P.P.S. The diva of pleasurable living is Regena Thomashauer, a.k.a. Mama Gena. Her book Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts: Using the Power of Pleasure to Have Your Way with the World makes a great case for living pleasurably in all areas of your life.

I know this has been a provocative article, indeed. I’d love to hear your comments and opinions. Have you been questioning the values around sex and pleasure that you were raised with? Have you changed some of those values? How supported do you feel in living out your values?

Posted in evolution of humanity, expanding consciousness, spiritual principles, spirituality in relationships | 2 Comments »

No More Secrets

February 12th, 2010 by Jennifer Grainger

As my guide, Abraham, said recently at a Gathering for Pioneering Souls, 2010 will be a year when the light will penetrate the darkness and the secrets that have been hidden will be visible to all.

Boy, isn’t that the truth! It seems every day there is a new revelation of corruption, infidelity, back room deals to benefit the few at the expense of the many.

Today a former San Bernadino County supervisor and an ex-county tax collector were arrested for taking bribes from a developer.

Last week it was revealed that a ‘green’ company who received special federal tax credits just so happens to have one a vice president that is the husband of the woman who oversees $16.8 billion in stimulus funds that benefits this company.

I won’t list the politicians outed for their unfaithfulness, and the athletes outed for illegal drug use since those are well known and I think you get the picture . . . what has been going on behind closed doors for eons is being exposed for all to see.

I think we will see more and more of these revelations as the year progresses. This will give all of us a chance to practice compassion rather than judgment. Perhaps it is a good time to take a look at our own Shadow selves and acknowledge what is true for us even when it goes against what others want us to be.

Since everything is going to come into the light anyway now would be a great time to start just being ourselves . . . to be transparent and authentic about our preferences . . . to accept what is true for us without shame or guilt . . . to forgive ourselves for being who we are, to let the light shine through us .

What do you think?

Love and light,


Posted in evolution of humanity, expanding consciousness, spiritual practices, spirituality in relationships | 3 Comments »