Living in the Unfolding

May 9th, 2012 by Jennifer Grainger

It has been three months since my last newsletter! I have been in “the void” following a couple of intense marketing workshops that have had me dissecting what it is I do, and then attempting to restructure it into a crisp “What Do You Do” statement that succinctly describes “the urgent problem my solution resolves.”

I listened to the advice from the workshop leaders and my tribe of people I met at the workshops who are also honing their What Do You Do statements. With each revision I’ve trotted off to networking meetings to try it out.

Time just flew by as I focused all my attention on finding the magic statement that would clearly identify who I was here to serve: women secretly thinking about getting a divorce, and the solution I was offering: to either help them reshape their marriage by renegotiating it so there was room for them to bloom and blossom, or taking them through the process of dissolving the marriage in a heart-centered and compassionate way that didn’t cost a fortune or make an enemy of their spouse.

The strangest thing happened. Every new client I got, with the exception of one, had a more pressing issue they wanted help with . . . how to get more clients and make sufficient income doing the work they loved!

This left me grateful to be able to show my new clients how to change their mind set from “hating selling” to “being visible to the people who are looking for the solution they offer,” but it also left me confused about my purpose.

I was certain my purpose was to change the face of divorce in America, given the beautiful way Dave and I stepped onto different life paths, ending our 25 year marriage without severing the love we have for each other. But what I found after months of networking is that apparently most women don’t want to make an appointment for a free coaching session to assess their marriage. I am guessing they don’t want to think about divorce until they are sure how it will all work out if they do get a divorce.

Couple that with a tremendous willingness and capacity to suffer unhappiness for years on end hoping something will change (I did that!), and my “solution” is apparently not one women were looking for.

Back to the drawing board!

So this has left me in marketing limbo, not knowing how to take my basic message of “carving away the good girl you were trained to be, to reveal the woman you were born to be, so we can sculpt the life your heart and soul are yearning for,” which I LOVE . . . and integrate it into the niche of helping women market their heart-based business to get more clients and be abundantly financially self-sufficient.

Or maybe there is another niche I am destined to serve. I don’t know. So I am living in the unfolding . . . letting the puzzle pieces come to me, knowing that at some point, it will all fall into place. Since I don’t know when that will happen, I decided it was time to resurface and let you at least know what is going on with me. It is also an opportunity to share my “living in the unfolding” process in the hopes you might find it useful for your own “unresolved dilemmas,” if you have any (smile)!

Here is what I have learned in the last three months. Life is an unending series of dilemmas. And the choices I make are the blueprint for what comes next.

I’ve also become convinced that the Universe has my back (and yours) because every “catastrophe” has resolved in a way that nurtured my ability to trust life. In a light bulb moment I “knew” that everything that happens, no matter how it looks, is purposeful and for my highest good.

When I stay in present time, and let each situation unfold moment by moment, holding the truth that even though I can’t see how there can be a good outcome, I can trust that if I stay connected to my guidance, stay out of fear, and just do the next thing in front of me to do, it will work out in ways I might never have considered.

Actually, it is easier than you might think, once you get the hang of trusting that no matter what happens you will always know what to do (or not do) in any given moment. The key phrase here is “in any given moment.” That means not projecting disastrous scenarios into the future and then worrying that it might happen, but instead to keep a steady focus on how you’d like it to be and to ask High Quality Questions around the desired outcome. This way the power of your thought is on creating the desired outcome rather than the undesired, disastrous one.

This “living in the unfolding” is working really well for me and my clients, too . . . lots less worry, more trust, which results in a calmer, more serene day-to-day experience.

There is not a lot of cultural support for living in the unfolding so you need to have some people in your life who are wanting to live with more joy and less struggle, too; who are willing to exchange worrying about what they don’t want, to focusing on what they do want.

Simple, but not easy.

BOTTOM LINE: We truly do create our own reality by how we choose to view the circumstances of our life. We get to name it as “it shouldn’t be happening,” and create a lot of drama and story about how bad it is (or “they” are), or. . .  accepting “what is” and taking it one moment at a time, doing what is right in front of us to do, trusting that it is purposeful in some way.

TIP: The single most important thing you can do to have more joy and less struggle in your life is to surround yourself with people who have given up the role of victim; who refuse to play the blame game; who believe the Universe is friendly, and that everything that happens is for our highest good.

P.S. Life Sculpting Coaching is a powerful, fast track system for getting clear on what is not working, what your options are in any given situation, then helping you gently carve away what is not working, and soulfully reshape what remains.

I currently have three openings for Life Sculpting Coaching clients. To see if this is your next step, go here and fill out the contact form requesting a complimentary 15 – 20 minute telephone session to see if my Be the Woman You Were Born to Be Program is right for you.

I’ll respond with an email containing a link to my online calendar of available times for you to schedule a convenient telephone appointment time.

If you have that feeling that you want something different for your life, but not sure what it is . . .  you just know that what you’ve got isn’t it . . . consider a free introductory coaching call to get a clear next step.

If you have any comments about this newsletter, I’d LOVE to hear from YOU!  Leave your comments below or contact me at .



Posted in at a crossroads, becoming conscious, expanding consciousness, marriage, midlife woman, spiritual practices, spirituality in relationships | No Comments »

Are You Getting Splinters From Sitting On The Fence?

December 29th, 2011 by Jennifer Grainger

If you are getting painful splinters from sitting on the fence in some area of your life, what better time than now, the start of the new year, to resolve to free up the log jam. Prolonged indecision is a major source of emotional distress and mental misery that can only get worse. Life is dynamic, always in motion. You are either moving forward or backward.

As my friend, Patrice, says: “If you don’t tell the Universe what you want, the Universe will give you leftovers!”


In this historic time of accelerated change and escalating uncertainty, with every aspect of life in flux for all of us, you have the greatest opportunity to carve away what is not working in your life, and reshape what remains into a life that you will love; a life that has loads of space for YOU and YOUR dreams!

It takes courage to take charge of your life; to get off the fence at whatever crossroads you’ve been facing; to let go of what is not working and forge ahead with clear intention of what you want to create for yourself.

The things that can keep you stuck at a crossroad are numerous, but here are a few:

1. Confusion. You may not know what you do want. You just know that what you have isn’t it!
2. Fear of what will happen to you if you rock the boat
3. Afraid you will be thought of as selfish, or unreasonable, or ungrateful
4. Not wanting to hurt others feelings

Often your heart’s desire is buried so deep under limiting beliefs such as “it’s not practical,” or “what will people think,” or “I don’t know where to begin,” or “I don’t how I can take care of myself financially” or “I don’t want to disappoint, or hurt (fill in the blank),” and on and on, that keeps you paralyzed at the crossroads until the emotional pain becomes unbearable.

Unfortunately, waiting until the pain is unbearable sets the stage for regrettable conversations, self-sabotaging ultimatums, rash decisions, and destructive actions.

Here’s what you need to do:

1.    Be honest with yourself about what is not working.
The truth will set you free!

2.    Get clear on what you do want.
This is easier said than done, I know! If you don’t know what you do want, start with listing what you don’t want any more of. This will often bring to the surface what you do want.

3.    Create a step-by-step plan to carve away what is not working.
Start with the least volatile area and begin by saying “no” (without guilt or shame) to at least one thing you don’t want more of, and “yes” to at least three things you do want more of.

4.    Reshape what remains through heart-based renegotiation with the people involved in the areas that need to change.
Keep in mind that relationships never end (even with death), they only change. No matter how badly others may have behaved, it is in your own best interest to make the needed changes with grace and ease, rather than with acrimony and bitterness. (Your nervous system and your immune system will thank you!)

BOTTOM LINE: “The way things are, is the way things will be, until a change is made.”(Mary Kay Ash of Mary Kay Cosmetics.) Wishing and hoping that things will change on their own doesn’t work. And, being resentful and tolerating the intolerable ages you inside and out. You must be willing to change the energetic dynamics of a deadlocked situation by taking the first step in doing something (anything!) different. When you shift, others have to shift. It is not possible for things to continue as they have once you have shifted, even if the shift is a little one.

TIP: Ask yourself the question “if nothing changes, what will my life look like five years from now?” If you don’t like the answer, vow to begin the process of change NOW!

P.S. You can’t grow yourself by yourself. Life Sculpting Coaching is a powerful, fast track system for gently carving away what is not working in your life, and soulfully reshaping what remains into the life your heart and soul are yearning for.

I currently have two openings for Life Sculpting Coaching clients. To see if this is your next step, go here and fill out the contact form requesting a complimentary 15 – 20 minute telephone session to see if my Be the Woman You Were Born to Be Program is right for you.

What crossroads are you facing? Email your experience to me at or call me at (209)369-6188. I’d love to hear from you!

Jennifer Recommends
Surrendering to Yourself: You Are Your Own Soul Mate
“Once you come to know who you really are, you are ready for anything.” says author, Iris Krasnow in this autobiographical story of living from truth, uncovering who you are; beyond your parents, marriage, children, career; beyond the expectations of your peer; beyond social games.


This Be the Woman You Were Born to Be blog is published on the 2nd and 4th Wednesdays of each month. I’ll “see” you in our next post on January 11, 2012!

Happy New Year!


Posted in at a crossroads, becoming conscious, expanding consciousness, instability, midlife woman, spiritual practices | No Comments »

Are you Stuck at a Marriage Crossroad?

December 15th, 2011 by Jennifer Grainger

It is so easy to lose yourself within the compromises and sacrifices we are told we must make for our marriage to work.

Years of compromise and sacrifice can only lead to losing touch with the essence of who we are, if we ever really knew it in the first place.

I don’t know about you, but as a little girl I was spoon-fed the happily-ever-after fairytale before I ever had a chance to create a dream of my own.

Yet each of us is born with gifts to share and talents to develop. That part of us that knew who we were and why we were here, got buried alive in childhood, but she didn’t die. She continues to send out distress signals in the form of heart’s desires and soul longings. Yet, most of us have been trained to stop ourselves from responding to these inner calls to avoid the risk of being considered selfish!

Wow! Talk about a no-win situation!

Reconciling the disparity between the happy hopes and dreams of the wedding day, with the painful unhappiness of the dream unrealized, is truly heart wrenching. It is easy to get stuck in the quicksand of feeling that you can’t leave, and you can’t stay, and the only way out is for one of you to die!

It is an agonizing place to be. I know. I was there a few years ago, myself.

I am here to tell you, no one has to die for you to get clear on who you are, why you are here and how to make space in your life for you to bloom and blossom! And it doesn’t have to take a costly and destructive divorce, either.

It begins with you claiming the truth that life is intended to be joyful. When it is not, there is something in your unconscious programming that is getting in the way of you listening to your heart, trusting its guidance, and being free to be the final authority in how you live your life.

Getting clear on which of your hidden beliefs are life-enhancing, and which are life-draining requires examining the duty, obligation and commitment values instilled at an early age. Asking yourself the questions of “what am I doing, and why am I doing it?” can bring up the beliefs about how you should behave, and what you should think and feel. From there you can ask “says who?” and “is this a belief I’d teach little children?”

It takes courage to take charge of your life; to discard beliefs that others around you choose to hang on to; to claim the right to have the final say-so in how you will live your life; to conclude that your inner-knowing of what feels right for YOU carries more weight than your husband’s (or anyone’s) opinion of how you should look, feel or act.

The mostly unrecognized dilemma women face today is caused by hundreds of years of self-abandonment through subservient behavior. Deep inside our female psyche, we carry the cellular memory of being unable to survive without a man to take care of us.

These centuries of self-abandonment survival strategies are a powerful, unconscious force that continually urge us to suppress our own important needs to fulfill the requests and demands of others.

It is hard to believe that it was less than only two generations ago that women were freed to have careers, to have credit in their own name, to strike out on their own, to be in control of their reproductive capabilities, to choose co-habitation rather than marriage. Yet, that explains why the hundreds of years of programming are able to overpower our 21st century, liberated selves with the most insidious idea of all: “that’s just the way it is.”

There is nowhere to go from there except to numb the emotional suffering with alcohol, “retail therapy” (shopping), staying overbusy, being overly involved in other’s dramas, and anything else one can do to avoid the issue.

Accepting the belief that “that’s just the way it is” leads to a willingness to suffer endless days of low-grade depression, resentment, or melancholy.

BOTTOM LINE: If you have reached a place where continuing to suffer is no longer an option, your mission is obvious. You must clear your psyche of the self-abandonment programming, while uncovering additional unconscious limiting beliefs instilled in your early childhood. This is not an objective you can accomplish on your own. Having a trusted advisor, who has successfully navigated that journey, gives you the confidence to move forward, the empathy that has been so sorely lacking, and provides the road map and all-important regular guidance so that you successfully navigate the journey to having a life that WORKS that you just can’t get from  reading books and going to one-time workshops!

TIP: Getting really honest with yourself about what life-draining things you have been putting up with because you have believed “that’s just the way it is” is a courageous first step to working your way out of the suffering. Just looking at it square in the face has a power all its own.

P.S. You can’t grow yourself, by yourself. Life Sculpting Coaching is a powerful, fast track system for gently carving away what is not working in your life, and soulfully reshaping what remains into the life your heart and soul are yearning for.

P.P.S. The sooner you make the shift from being at the effect in your life, to being in charge of your life, the sooner you can begin to let loose with the creative woman you were born to be, to give to the world what only you can give, and receive all the blessings and gifts the Universe has for you in return.

If you are crying into your pillow at night, or waking up in the night in total despair of your marriage, you are not alone. Millions of women who bought the fairytale are feeling just as trapped and miserable as you are. It doesn’t have to be that way. There are always options to make life better, just sometimes they are hard to find on your own when you are in the depths of despair.

I can help.

I currently have just two openings left for Life Sculpting Coaching clients. To see if this is your next step, go to and click on the Life Sculpting Coaching link, scroll down and fill out the contact form requesting a complimentary 15 – 20 minute telephone session to see if my Be the Woman You Were Born to Be Program is right for you.

I’ll respond with suggested available times and we can set a convenient telephone appointment time. Whether you decide to become a coaching client, or not, you can be sure you will receive a solid next step to break the stuck cycle in the no obligation, introductory Be the Woman You Were Born to Be coaching session. Request your complimentary session now at

I’d love to hear your comments on this post. Just click on the comments link below.


Posted in becoming conscious, expanding consciousness, midlife woman, spirituality in relationships | No Comments »

Is It Selfish To Be Who You Were Born To Be?

November 28th, 2011 by Jennifer Grainger


By the time we were seven or so, most of us had bought into the “good girl” programming. Since our very survival depended on pleasing our caregivers . . . really . . . it was the most intelligent thing to do at the time!

And how did we know which behaviors were the “good girl” ones? Easy . . . the big people in our lives smiled and hugged us when we performed to their standard, and scowled, or shouted, or said things like “shame on you” to squelch behaviors they didn’t like.


Without being aware of it, most of us have an incredibly strong desire to avoid the psychological and emotional pain of shame. We don’t consciously think to ourselves “I am not going to do such-and-such because I don’t want to feel deep despair at the core of my being.” We instinctively, and unconsciously, resist our heart’s desires and soul’s impulses, by labeling these desires and impulses as selfish, just as we were taught to do!

We were told that nobody would like us if we were selfish. Or we wouldn’t go to heaven. Or we’d be punished. Or whatever . . . so we did our best to fit in and do life right.

End of story . . .

Sort of . . .

For awhile . . .

Until eventually the fairy tale life we were told would be our reward for being good, started getting ragged around the edges, and we noticed happily-ever-after just isn’t happening, no matter how hard we try to make it come true.

Then what do we do?

We blame ourselves!


So here is the dilemma . . . in order to carve away what is not working in your life so that you can soulfully re-shape what remains into the life your heart and soul are yearning for, you will have to face the fear of being seen as selfish, and neutralize the energy of shame.

It is not that hard to do when you are . . .

. . . curious about discovering your passion
. . . committed to shedding the burdensome “good girl” cloak
. . . willing to pay attention to what you like and don’t like
. . . claiming the right to get expert support in uncovering and trusting your inner compass of joy
. . . willing to do what it takes to make a place in your life for YOU to bloom and blossom

Ironically, in most cases, the person who will give you the most grief about following your heart is . . . YOU! Once you “get it” that your heart is your “inner compass of joy” that is always pointing in the direction of having a soul-satisfying life, you can quickly transform the fear of being selfish into the excitement of discovering your passion.

“Rewarding” doesn’t begin to describe the deliciousness you feel when you spend your days in alignment with who you were born to be, doing what it is that you came here to do! Believe me, the people around you will bask in your radiance, feeling your joy and love when you are living your life from the inside out!


Neutralizing shame is a bit trickier than facing fear, because the programming of what is shameful is hidden outside of our conscious awareness where it runs our lives without our knowing it.

Two of my mentors, Katherine Woodward Thomas and Clair Zammit nailed it when they said “you can’t grow yourself, by yourself.” We all have blind spots that keep us from seeing the obstacles to having a life that works. That’s why every good coach, has a coach!

With me as your coach, I’ll be asking you inspired questions that will reveal your blind spots that were installed when you were a child, at a time when you had very little power.

Once you see what is holding you back, you are free, as a grown woman, to make conscious choices about what truths you will live by.

BOTTOM LINE: It takes courage to be who you were born to be. Having a trusted advisor with you on the journey makes all the difference. The reward for stepping into your greatness is a solid connection to that “peace that passes all understanding.”

TIP: Saying “yes” to yourself is a first step in becoming yourself. Ask yourself “What is one action I can take today that will move me in the direction of saying ‘yes’ to a heart yearning or a soul call?” It doesn’t have to be a giant leap forward. Each small baby step leads to the next, and the next, and the next. Each step taken reveals the next step to take.

P.S. You’ve heard it before, and I am here to tell you it is oh, so true . . . the joy and the juice of life is in the journey, not the destination. Living each moment in alignment with your heart and soul, in equal partnership with your rational mind, is a reliable formula for a life worth living!

P.P.S. A life of dull discontent, albeit often filled with the toys and glitter of things, is often the fate of those who choose to not answer the call of their heart and soul.

So, where are you in discarding the selfish label and neutralizing the shame energy? How strong is the unexplored desire to be a “good person” driving you to live your life in pleasing others instead of answering the call of your heart and soul?  Enter your comments below. I’d love to hear from you!

Posted in becoming conscious, evolution, evolution of humanity, expanding consciousness, midlife woman, spiritual practices | No Comments »

Have the Holidays Become a Burden?

November 9th, 2011 by Jennifer Grainger

I have launched my new website: for women ready to carve away what is not working in their lives, and soulfully re-shape what remains. What follows is the text of the first “Become the Woman You Were Born to Be” newsletter I published today.


Welcome new readers! Although this is the 72nd eNewsletter I have published, this is the premier issue of the Become the Woman You Were Born to Be eNewsletter, which is written specifically for women like yourself, who are ready to step out of the roles you were trained to perform, into the freedom of being who you were born to be. Yay!

With Halloween behind us, Thanksgiving and Christmas are right around the corner. Remember as a kid how much excitement and anticipation you had for the holidays . . . how it seemed to take forever for it to get dark enough to go Trick or Treating . . . how the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas seemed an eternity?

Well, fast forward to present time when the pressure to produce a Martha Stewart holiday is everywhere, including in your subconscious mind of how the holidays are “supposed” to be celebrated.

The question is: do you enjoy being the woman in charge of making the holidays magical, or has holiday magic-making become just one more chore to get through. Is “tradition” or Martha Stewartism getting too much “should” time when you think about your holiday to do list?

It is not surprising that each year more women are opting out of pulling off a traditional holiday in favor of self-care by choosing to spend the holidays in unconventional ways that rejuvenate their souls and make their hearts sing.

Like . . .

. . . going away for a few days with the people you want to spend time with (which may be just yourself if your heart and soul are craving some alone time to regroup). Brian and Sylvia, my former in-laws, once opted out of the holiday hoopla by going on vacation without leaving home. (This was long before the concept of a “staycation” was in vogue.)

They told their family and friends they would be at a cabin in the woods for the holidays. They filled the larder with goodies, brought in a stack of firewood, unplugged the phone, and put an “out of order” sign on the doorbell. They put on their coats and hats, got in their car, drove a few miles out of town to a “special occasion restaurant” for brunch. Then returned home as if arriving at a remote cabin in the woods.

Feeling like naughty children who had cut school for a day at the beach, the stolen days were filled with spontaneous laughter and cozy together time.

Have you thought of something you’d rather do for the holidays, and then dismissed it because it was too “far out” from what has become custom? Does thinking about bringing up the idea of doing something different (like not spending it with extended family) seem too radical? Do you need justification for tossing tradition out the window (especially for your own inner-critic who is so quick to shout “selfish” at you)?

This may help.

Every tradition began with a one-time event and simply carried on from there. There is nothing that says you can’t start a new tradition anytime you want. You could start a new tradition of being non-traditional, how about that?

We often forget that our holiday traditions originated in a time when we were an agricultural nation. Not a lot went on in the winter. Days were short. Night was long. Plenty of time to plan and look forward to Thanksgiving with family and friends that you hadn’t seen or talked to in ages! Christmas gifts were mostly handmade. One to a customer.

How crazy is it to let a last century tradition dictate how you will spend your holidays when you are living in a time of instant everything? There is no down time that needs to be filled with something to do until spring arrives!

We are in a new century. Life as we have known it for many generations is falling apart in every sector of life. The old rules, the old ways of doing things, the old ways of family structure are disintegrating right before our eyes.

This means that living our lives from the outside in, that is, looking outside of ourselves for the “right” thing to do, just won’t fly anymore. Yet making the shift from being outer-directed to being inner-directed is not that easy, especially when the concept of “selfishness” is so ingrained in our psyches.

BOTTOM LINE: There is no time like the present to be asking yourself these two insight-generating questions: 1. What am I doing? 2. Why am I doing it? Well, OK, add this third question: 3. What do I want? (as in, what makes my heart sing and my soul jump for joy?)
Then start pushing stuff off your overloaded plate, starting with the changes that are the easiest to make and meet with the least resistance!

TIP: Look out for the “you are sooooo selfish” gremlin to jump out at you. It can’t help it. It is a survival technique from hundreds of years ago when “self-centered” people got exiled from the tribe where certain death awaited them. The cosmic joke is that unless you are currently centered in your self in this drastically changing time, you are in danger of missing the signals you need to be in the right place at the right time when sh*t happens.

P.S. When breaking with tradition the only “reason” you need is “I don’t want to do this anymore, because I don’t want to.” Simple as that. No further explanation needed. Not to yourself. Not to anyone else. Anyone who demands a “reasonable reason why” is a lunkhead . . . just my opinion, of course.

P.P.S. If making changes to holiday tradition that lighten your load and make the holidays a joy for you is likely to be met with fierce resistance from the people who benefit from you working like a dog to get it all done, consider getting support from me to help you gently carve away what is not working and soulfully re-shaping what remains into the life your heart and soul are yearning for. You are worth it,  and you deserve it. Yes, indeed, you do!

I’d love to hear from you. What are your plans for the holidays? Leave  your comments below!



Posted in becoming conscious, evolution, midlife woman | No Comments »

Who Said Compromise and Sacrifice Are Necessary?

October 26th, 2011 by Jennifer Grainger

Without exception, whenever I suggest that compromise and sacrifice are not only NOT necessary to create and sustain great relationships, but are actually detrimental to having fabulous relationships, I meet with intractable resistance to that very notion!

Does this idea bring up a “you gotta be kidding!” resistance in your mind, too?

This false belief in the necessity of compromise and sacrifice is so deep in our culture that I don’t think I have ever convinced anyone that a true “win-win” is even possible, though Lord knows, I have tried!

I am truly amazed at the amount of suffering people will put up with in their lives because they falsely believe “that’s just the way it is.”

In my birth family, suffering was noble. How many times did I hear “that’s just your cross to bear, dear?”

What B.S.! And so unnecessary!

Vic Baranco, now deceased, founder of the Morehouse Community, was the originator of that term “win-win.” His goal was that each person in a negotiation would come away with MORE than they wanted. Yet, somehow the term “win-win” has deteriorated to mean “you give up a little of what would satisfy your heart and soul, and I will give up a little of what would satisfy my heart and soul, and we will gracefully agree to this sacrifice for the ‘good’ of the relationship.”

Isn’t it time to take charge of your life? What if you accepted that whatever you are experiencing in your life is there because you have agreed for it to be there? You may feel sad about it, or mad about it, or hopeless about it, and believe there is nothing you can do about it.

Not true! It is just that no one has shown you how to talk long enough and deep enough to find a way for everyone to get their needs met. The false belief is that compromise and sacrifice are required and in fact, your willingness to compromise and sacrifice have been equated with how good a person you are!

Its time to evolve past that old, limiting belief! You can take charge of your life, by taking back the power you were born with and had socialized out of you, by taking responsibility for how you experience the events and circumstances in your life.

Here are the steps to take:

1. Decide if you are in agreement with “how things are.” If you are, then you have nothing to complain about. If not, decide you will discover what false beliefs you have that support your agreement to having this experience in your life, then commit to making whatever change is necessary.

Oh yeah . . . a little plug for coaching . . . it really helps a lot to have a coach asking the inspired, penetrating questions that will take you right to the heart of the matter, and uncover what’s not working for you. You know, you really can’t grow yourself by yourself! None of us can. That is why every good coach has a coach.

2. When you realize you are not in agreement with something going on in your life, tell the truth, first to yourself, and then to those involved. If it is too scary to face the possible consequences alone, get support (hint, hint, hello . . . coaching)!

BOTTOM LINE: The willingness to suffer leads to suffering. If you won’t claim your birthright to live a happy, joyful life, there is not much the Universe can do for you.

TIP: Start with some small irritation that you have been tolerating just to keep the peace. Tell the truth about it. Re-negotiate your agreement by saying “this just doesn’t work for me anymore.”

P.S. Almost none of us had a “win-win” communication style modeled for us. You’ll need to educate yourself on how to up level your relationship communication skills. Yes, it’s work, and worth it!

So where are you on the happiness chart?

-  Ecstatic with joy at how much you love your life?
-  Experiencing Ups and Downs, but mostly ups?
-  Experiencing Ups and Downs, but mostly downs?
-  Suffering from chronic dissatisfaction with not very many moments of genuine joy?
-  Deeply depressed?

If you are suffering from chronic dissatisfaction, or are deeply depressed (often caused by constipated anger!), there is help available. You just need to decide you are ready to give up the willingness to suffer, and the false belief that “that’s just the way it is,” and reach out and ask for help.

Give me a call, 209-369-6188, or email me and set up a f.r.e.e. 20 minutes introductory coaching session. I guarantee in that 20 minutes we will find a breath of fresh air for you and an open door you can step through.

I’d love to hear your comments on the topic of compromise and sacrifice and how your beliefs are working for you. Leave your comments below, or give me a call. 209-369-6188.

This newsletter is published on the 2nd and 4th Wednesdays of each month. I’ll “see” you in our next newsletter on November 9th.


Posted in becoming conscious, evolution, evolution of humanity, expanding consciousness, spirituality in relationships | No Comments »

Are Caterpillars Afraid to Become Butterflies?

October 14th, 2011 by Jennifer Grainger

Does a caterpillar experience fear and anxiety as it
enters the end of its life cycle when it begins forming
its own coffin (chrysalis)?

Does it know that the only life it has known,
crawling and munching its way through leaves,
is going away forever?

Does it have any idea that its earthbound caterpillar
body is going to completely dissolve into a mushy goo
and from that goo emerge a butterfly . . . free to fly?

What if you knew (without a doubt) that the complete
destruction of life as you have known it is a perfect
evolutionary process from which you will emerge as
a transformed being . . . one that is free to live the
joyful, abundant life that your heart and soul are meant
to live?

Wouldn’t that take the fear out of watching the obvious
daily disintegration of life as we have known it that is
taking place in every sector . . . education . . . health care
. . . government, not to mention the obvious world-wide
collapse of the monetary system?

Imagine what it would be like to trade in the fear and anxiety
for anticipation and excitement about the new that is emerging!
And there is plenty of great things rising up to replace what is
disintegrating . . . you just don’t hear about in mainstream media.

For more than a year my spirit guides have been telling us that
we have nothing to fear . . . to not struggle to hang on to anything
that is leaving, for it is making room for much greater joy and
happiness to enter.

We all needs reminders that we are co-creators in our lives.
Nothing is happening to us. Life is happening through us.

Granted there are monumental challenges ahead. Challenges are
how we grow. My spirit guides have told us we are co-creating
the future we are stepping into. What we focus on today is setting
into motion what we will experience tomorrow.

Here are 5 principles that will help you stay focused on creating
what you want, NOT what you DON’T want!

1. You always get what you think about, whether you want it or not.

2. What you focus on expands, what you are grateful for multiplies.

3. Worrying is wishing for what you don’t want . . . and getting it!
(Say nay to worry!)

4. You never run out of money, you only run out of ideas.
(Get quiet, open your mind and heart and be prepared to be inspired!)

5. Every adversity has within it the seed of an equivalent or greater benefit.
Napoleon Hill said that. He also said “What the mind of man (or woman)
can conceive and believe, he (she) can achieve.”

BOTTOM LINE: You can’t think clearly when you are afraid. Right this
minute some divinely inspired person is setting forth on a project that will
serve millions and make millions!

In order for you to receive this always-available inspiration that
can turn your life’s lemons into lemonade, you must take control of what
you are willing to give your attention to.

Turn away from mainstream media that is based on fear, fear and more fear.
Evict negative people from your social circle. If you can’t make them go away,
then simply stop engaging in the “ain’t it awful” dialogs with them.

TIP: Take charge of what comes to your inbox. Replace the bad news with the
massive amounts of GOOD NEWS available every day, if you just know where
to look (it won’t be in mainstream, that’s for sure!)

Subscribe to Ode: the magazine for Intelligent Optimists! Check out
the Good News Network (, Take a
peek at The Shift Network ( Listen to
some of the recordings from the recent Healthy Money Summit (

Pretty soon you’ll be in “the loop” of the good news emails. Are you ready
to trade in doom and gloom for bloom and blossom? Then do it! Your choices
are creating your life, decision by decision. That is how powerful you are!

P.S. If you’d like to get on the fast track of living the life you were born to live,
take a look at my Be the Woman You Were Born to Be program. Just go to and click on Life Sculpting Coaching and sign up for
the free 20 minute introductory session. If you are feeling stuck in your life, or
worse than stuck, running as fast as you can on a treadmill going nowhere, I guarantee that in our free 20 minute session I will open the doorway to your next step that will lead you in the direction of creating the life you’d love to live!

P.P.S. Keep an eye out for your email invitations to join me on the
1st and/or 3rd Thursday evenings each month at my home in Lodi, or the
4th Wednesday of each month in Stockton at Dragonfairy metaphysical store
for the Oasis in the Midst of Chaos gathering.

You’ll  hear an inspiring message from my guide and experience a guided meditation that will take you deep inside to connect with your own inner wisdom. These evenings are like a complete reboot of your energy systems. You’ll get realigned with your soul’s destiny and start again with a clean slate when you return to your everyday life so that you can surf the chaos and navigate the flow of this evolutionary leap all of humanity is taking.

Give me a call if you have questions. 209-369-6188.

OK. So what do you think? Where are you in the metamorphosis process in your life? Still “crawling and munching leaves?” Sitting in a puddle of “goo?” Working your way out of the chrysalis? Waiting for your wings to dry? Flying free?

Just click on the “comment” link below and enter your thoughts there. I’d love to hear from you!

This newsletter is published on the 2nd and 4th Wednesdays of each month. I’ll “see” you in our next newsletter on October 26th.

Love and light


Posted in becoming conscious, evolution, evolution of humanity, evolutionary, expanding consciousness, instability, spiritual experiences, spiritual practices, spiritual principles | No Comments »

The scoop from Occupy Wall Street

October 12th, 2011 by Jennifer Grainger
Here is a beautiful essay on the heart and soul of occupy wall street. Truly the new dawn is rising. Power to the people and hallelujah, cooperation is replacing competition, love is overshadowing fear. The storm before the calm (title of Neale Donald Walsch’s new book) is perfectly reflected at occupy wall street.
(Mic Check/Occupy Wall Street) Posted: 10/10/11 03:49 PM ET
I have been watching and listening to all kinds of views and takes on Occupy Wall Street. Some say it’s backed by the Democratic Party. Some say it’s the emergence of a third party. Some say the protesters have no goals, no demands, no stated call. Some say it’s too broad, taking on too much. Some say it is the Left’s version of the Tea Party. Some say its Communist, some say it’s class warfare. Some say it will burn out and add up to nothing. Some say it’s just a bunch of crazy hippies who may get violent.
I have been spending time down at Zucotti Park and I am here to offer a much more terrifying view. What is happening cannot be defined. It is happening. It is a happening. It is a response to injustice and inequity and poverty and Wall Street corruption and soaring college debt and unemployment and homelessness, institutionalized racism and violence against women, the murdering of the earth, fracking and the keystone pipeline and the wars that the U.S. has waged on other countries that have destroyed them and bankrupted us here. It is a cry against what appears to be scarcity and what Naomi Klein calls a distribution problem and, I would add, a priority problem.
It is a spontaneous uprising that has been building for years in our collective unconscious. It is a gorgeous, mischievous moment that has arrived and is spreading. It is a speaking out, coming out, dancing out. It is an experiment and a disruption.
We all know things are terribly wrong in this country. From the death of our rivers, to the bankruptcy of our schools to our failed health care system, something at the center does not hold. A diverse group of teachers, thinkers, students, techies, workers, nurses, have stopped their daily lives. They have come to gather and reflect and march and lay their bodies down. They have come from all over the country and the world. Some have flown in just to be here. I met students last night from a college in Kentucky who had just arrived committed to sleeping out for two nights in solidarity.
Occupy Wall Street is a work of art, exploding onto a canvas in search of form, in search of an image, a vision. In a culture obsessed with product, the process of creation is almost unbearable. Nothing is more threatening than the moment, the living breathing ambiguity of now. We have been trained to name things, own things, brand things and in doing so control and consume them. Well, the genius of Occupy Wall Street is that so far it is not brandable and that’s what makes its potential so daunting, so far reaching, so inclusive, and so dangerous. It cannot be defined and so it cannot be sold, as a sound bite or a political party or even a thing. It can’t be summed up and dismissed. What is also most unusual about Occupy Wall Street is that the evolving self-governing practices at the twice-daily General Assembly and the organic way the park is being organized, are literally modeling a vision of the desired new world.
A rotating group of facilitators, a constant check to make sure all voices are heard, timekeepers, free medicine and medical help, composting, learning groups, a free library, learning circles, workshops on human rights, arts and culture, history, extraordinary speakers at open forums.
I had the fortune to spend the night with a group of about 30 occupiers — the talk could have gone on through the early morning. The depth of the conversation, the intensity of the seeking, the complexity of ideas were startling. But, what moved me even more was the respect, the way people listened to each other and honored and appreciated each other. I would like to encourage another take on Occupy Wall Street. I would like to ask that perhaps we stop trying to define it or own it or discount it or belittle it but instead to celebrate it. It should make New York proud. It should make this country proud.
We say all the time how we believe in democracy, that we want the people to speak and be heard. Well, the people are speaking. The people are experimenting. The people are crying out with the deepest hunger to build a better world. Maybe instead of labeling it, we could join it. There is so much to be done.
Because the city has forbidden the use of microphones and sound systems, the group is using a human microphone. This system of communication is compelling and metaphoric. The group is forced to repeat the words of the speaker so the speaker is forced to talk slowly, with less words at once. The audience is asked to listen in a whole new way and to actually help transmit the message to others. Accuracy and transparency are the crucial elements. To make sure the human microphone is working properly the speaker calls out Mike Check and the crowd repeats Mike Check and by doing this it becomes clear if the voice of the speaker is being carried through the entire crowd. I think our media needs a general Mike Check.
So last night I committed to creating a column that would carry the stories of the occupiers at the heart of the park. There are certain hand signals that are used in the group to signify response. My favorite is the signal for agreement, or something you like a lot . People lift their hands and wiggle their fingers. This has come to be called Upsparkles.
I have seen the people at Occupy Wall Street be demonized in the press and belittled and misrepresented and ridiculed. I want you to get a taste of the diversity and commitment, too. The magnificent Indian feminist who outlined the history of corporations and colonialism in three precise sentences or the buff white man who I assumed was a long-time activist the way he spoke for the need for distribution of wealth and freedom and only later did he confess to me privately that he worked on Wall Street, and although he felt guilty, he was working to change it within. Or the Latino man who said it was the first time he ever experienced really looking at anyone in the eyes and them looking back at him and he had not paid attention to his next door neighbors brother who he had written off as a thug and he ended up going to Iraq and getting killed there and now he knew there was so much more to that boy if he had only been looking. Or the older Jewish woman who told me she was there when they shut down NYU during Kent State and she had waited all these years for this to happen and it was her legacy.
There was talk of poverty and war and but the most repeated theme or desire was connection, how we are all connected, to dissolve the illusions that divide us. So here is the first offering of Ambiguous Upsparkles from the Heart of the Park. Here are the words of the brave creative resistor occupiers in the act of art or the art of act: Melanie Butler Every day of the first week of the encampment at Liberty Plaza was filled with the excitement that this was really happening; every day in the space was lived with the feeling that it could be our last.
The Occupy Wall Street community survived many tests that first week — torrential downpours, dwindling numbers, people dropping out due to illness and fatigue, and of course, constant police violence and brutality. As #occupywallstreet tweeted: Building community at #OccupyWallStreet is hard, esp. when facing constant eviction threats. Now we know how so many Americans feel. On the one-week anniversary of Liberty Plaza I watched the heart of our community galvanize before me. After the police attacked and pepper-sprayed protesters at Union Square and followed us down to our home in the park, we all prepared for a showdown. Paddy-wagons lined the streets. Masses of police officers lined the perimeter of the park, hands poised on guns, orange nets, and reams of zip-ties, while hundreds more assembled at the ready on the adjacent blocks.
We gathered for a General Assembly (GA), as we do every evening, in a unified, determined group under an intense cloud of imminent danger, and asserted that we were not afraid. We developed contingency plans for when the police swept the square. People lined the park with small candles, creating a buffer-zone between the police and our central organ, the GA. Drums and brass instruments played. Messages on the projector screen read “Love is the New Fear.” “Feeling good.” “We shall not be moved.” “In it for the long haul.” Older members of CODEPINK and the local activist community checked in or came by to see what was happening — asking, but not telling, what we were going to do. “We’re staying,” I told them. Some lingered on the outskirts like guardian angels, patiently, silently watching. “We’ve got your back.” The Occupy Wall Street bike bloc slowly circled the square in solidarity. “We are watching. We are with you.” I attached a hot pink “Make Solidarity Not War” sign to my back — added armor to go with the “Make Bikes Not War” signs adorning my bike — and joined them to burn off nervous energy.
Putting on a brave face, I told the bloc how a cashier at a nearby cafe refused to let me pay for my sandwich earlier that day when she found out I was part of the demonstration. Other cyclists chimed in with similar stories. One guy struck up a conversation about what we were doing while in line for the bathroom at McDonald’s and when he came out, the stranger he had been speaking with gave him a burger and fries. As the night progressed, something incredible happened. The police started to pack up and leave. The bike bloc continued to circle until we were sure our home was safe, and then did a final victory lap, bells ringing, lights flashing, flags waving. The community had survived and we had won.
Daniel Levine: “My name is Daniel and I have a story from the heart. Today I was riding the F train home to Brooklyn and a man came through, asking for spare change and any help. He said he was a veteran who would seek shelter at the Montrosse VA. I’ve been coming to Occupy Wall Street every day since Wednesday when we had the huge march in solidarity with the unions. I’m pretty poor right now and basically waiting on a student loan check to be able to pay my bills and expenses. When I’m in Zucotti I usually eat some of the amazing food that’s been donated by people from all over the world! So I thought I should tell this man about what was available. But I hesitated. I didn’t want to encourage anyone to come just to take advantage of the resources in Zucotti that are feeding the protesters, many of whom have been working tirelessly, or have come from as far as Colorado (and everywhere!) I don’t know where that moment of doubt came from, but the moment of clarity that shattered it was invigorating.
“You should come to Zucotti Park!” I said. I spoke to him about it for a minute. He’d read about Occupy Wall Street in the daily papers, but didn’t know about how things really went down there. Growing up in New York City, on some level we train ourselves to be desensitized to homelessness, to separate ourselves from it. But the division is false. I realized we were both 99 percenters. “Wow, thanks for the info!” he said. I have a feeling he’ll get there and be as inspired as I’ve been at what’s happening at the park. Maybe he’ll pick up a sign or people with a similar cause to get involved in. Whatever attracts people, the intellectual environment, their anger at the system, the friendly festival atmosphere, or even the free food, I think people will stay because what’s happening here is meaningful and real. And if America can’t feed its hungry, at least we can!
Some people say we lack a coherent message, but I think Zucotti park is about inclusiveness, seriousness, and the right to come together for positive change. i guess that’s just coherent enough for me!”
Jordan Dann: “After returning from Israel on a project a few weeks ago, I checked my Facebook feed upon landing at Newark International. With embarrassment I will admit that that is where the majority of my news comes from these days, I believe that the friends I trust will post stories and news that I should take note of. I had a friend visiting from out of town and, after we deposited our luggage, I suggested that we take a run across the Brooklyn Bridge and down to Zuccotti Park to see for ourselves what exactly was taking place. Upon arriving I encountered a group of kids holding signs, and a handful of people occupying the park, and I quickly dismissed it as temporary.
However, the sight of this group stayed with me. I found myself thinking about them for days and wondering why they were there. I found myself wondering if they knew why there were there. Most of all I found myself wondering what I would be standing for if I returned. I didn’t return for two weeks. I have a busy and glorious full life.
I am graced with a bounty of creative projects, work opportunities, and friendships that keep me feeling busy and full. I don’t have space or time for a cause. I don’t have energy to participate in a movement. How would my voice help?
A few days later I mentioned the movement to my best friend David and his response was, “Whatever. It won’t last” and, despite my disappointment about his response, on some level my own was confirmed, but then, a few days later, he texted me: “I’m sorry I was pessimistic about what is happening here. It’s something.” I still didn’t return. I’m busy. How can my voice count? Last Thursday, as I finished class, I received another text from David, “I’m here with your Dad at the park. Come.” When I arrived I was given a tour of the plaza by David. He pointed out the Information Booth, the “People’s Library”, the Media Center, the kitchen, the “Sacred Tree”, the sign making station, and on, and on. Then he grabbed my hand whisked me away to an impromptu dance party at Rector Street where a bike with amplification blasted Le Tigre’s song “New Kicks” as a beautiful group of people gyrated and grooved to the chorus of people chanting, “this is what democracy looks like” and sound bytes of Amy Goodman saying, “It isn’t enough to talk about peace, one must believe in it. It isn’t enough to believe in it, one must work at it. And we here today are working at it.”
” Garbage trucks stopped and lined up on the streets, honking their horns and pumping their fists in the air. Cab drivers got out and shouted “Occupy Wall Street.” Random passersby moved through the crowd of dancers and allowed themselves to be turned and spun by the dancers, shrugging to their friends saying “Why, not?” and “Come on. This is fun.” I am aware of the myths that I have unconsciously swallowed during my lifetime: that money is the most important thing to strive for and accumulate; that we are supposed to participate in the institution of marriage and be monogamous and procreate; that we are supposed to own real estate and go to Bed Bath & Beyond, and Ikea to purchase things to make a home so that we can invite friends into our space to show off what we have bought; and that we are supposed to dress in the latest fashion and be able to quote lines from popular television. Is this what makes a life? Despite my participation and acceptance of these myths this is not my American Dream. This is not my Human Dream.
I want a life that is based on my ability to authentically connect with other human beings and to offer goodness and health to the earth. I want to be a part of a world where people see one another, attune to one another, make space for ambiguity, and wait in silence for someone to find his or her words to articulate their individual and unique experience of life. I saw a lot of chaos at Zuccotti Park. I saw a lot of tarps and vagrants, and at many moments I felt like I was wondering around a sketchy Phish show lot, but beyond that I saw people connecting. People taking care of each other. People loving each other. People listening to each other and people talking to each other. I didn’t sleep that night. I lay awake wondering what a new world would look like. I had a restless night wondering what kind of world the other people occupying Zucotti Park wanted to create and what it would mean if my voice could be heard and I had the agency and power to shape a new world that I feel proud to be a part of.
Wendelin Regalado: I am poor. I learned this a few years ago when I left my block in Jersey City for college to pursue what my immigrant mother is still convinced (but less so nowadays, after having been unceremoniously fired from her job of 11 years) is the “American Dream”. There I also learned what it takes not to be poor and even if I were ever given the opportunity (there are quotas to fill everywhere) I would not take it. I will always be poor because I will never enrich myself at the expense of my people. Exploitation is the only way capital can be accumulated. There is something dehumanizing about this condition so that your soul screams an everlasting silent scream that only you can hear and can’t do anything about.
So I came out to face this contradiction: the dehumanization of poverty and the exploitation of capitalism. A block away from the park where the second General Assembly was being held, I heard the words “I love you.” The words were as swift as the man who said them, for when I looked back he was already five paces away. But they were as firm as those paces — heavy with determination, purpose, depth. His words permeated the air in Washington Square, and the air on the march, and the air in Zucotti Park. Love was EVERYWHERE!
This is the first in a series from Eve Ensler.

Posted in becoming conscious, community, community living, evolution, evolution of humanity, evolutionary, expanding consciousness, spiritual practices | 2 Comments »

Stop Following The Rules!

September 14th, 2011 by Jennifer Grainger

During the last week of August a major energetic shift took place on planet Earth. I just happened to be in Hawaii at the time visiting my friends Susana and Richard. Richard and Susana

I didn’t know there was a major astrological butt-kicking cosmological event taking place at the time, so I attributed the HUGE inner awakening I experienced to the fact that I was in Hawaii, which is known for its powerfully sacred energy, and also spending quality time with Susana.

I had arrived in Hawaii with an intact view of my life, but within a few days I noticed I had mentally accumulated a few additional puzzle pieces with no idea where they fit in. The word for this is confusion, a very high spiritual state of consciousness, so I am told!

Just because I know that my consciousness is always expanding doesn’t mean it is easy to dismantle what had been a perfectly good view of reality so I can make room for new information.

New information almost always means having to change something! Which means being in that void space for a while . . . no longer being where I was, and not yet knowing where I am going!

You see, Susana is one of the very few people I know who has made the evolutionary leap out of victim consciousness into complete self-responsibility for how she experiences life’s events. She views every less-than-wonderful experience as an opportunity for growth. She, and my daughter Kaydee, have been guiding lights for me in how to break free of the soul-sucking quicksand of victim consciousness.

Woven among our vacation activities of great meals, karaoke, touring North Shore delivering boxes of food to the less fortunate with the Hawaii Morehouse Community group, and taking an ocean dip at sunset, were very deep conversations in which Susana and I mirrored to each other unconscious beliefs and behaviors that were sabotaging our efforts at creating what we say we want.

Some of Susana’s perceptions of me painfully poked at cherished, heretofore unexamined values of what it means (to me) to be a good person. Her values seemed so at odds with what I thought a good person would embody.

I was shocked to recognize that my first thoughts were at the level of  “who is right and who is wrong.” (That is such victim mentality!) Worse I found myself labeling and judging Susana as being “wrong.” This only added to my confusion because my admiration for how fearlessly Susana walks her talk had led me to hold her in very high regard as a model for my own journey.

Once I was consciously aware of the labeling and judging I was doing, (and forgiving myself for such “lowly” behavior) I was lifted into a higher state of consciousness in which I was “told” that this was an opportunity for me to step more fully into my authentic self by turning inward, connecting with my own inner compass and sorting out what is true for me, what this event was asking me to become, and expanding my awareness/consciousness of how I interact with life.

I left Hawaii knowing I needed to sit with the confusion and allow the information to unfold in its own time.

It didn’t take long.

I “saw” how my mother and her mother, and all the women in my lineage for that matter, had navigated the centuries of the oppression of women through self-effacing behaviors that may have made their lives safe and tolerable, but which were BIG obstacles to me stepping into my authentic self and living my life On Purpose today.

These out-dated coping behaviors, buried in my subconscious mind as unexamined, limiting beliefs, showed up in my everyday life as “good manners” and “being polite.”

Wow! What hogwash when seen in the light of day!

When I fully saw how this had been operating in my life, I shifted. And as I shifted on the inside, my exterior life immediately shifted, too.

That’s how it works. The inner matches the outer. Change the inner, and the outer changes, just like magic.

Here is one of the big things that changed.

Some of you know that over a year ago I’d been guided to make space in my home for a housemate so I could develop community living skills. The space stood empty all this time, with not so much as a nibble.

Yet, as soon as I arrived home from Hawaii, there was an email from someone in my spiritual community who was looking for a room to rent. Wow! That space had stood vacant for a year and “all of a sudden” someone was interested.

I sent a reply saying I had a room for rent. That was at 10:30 on a Wednesday night. We met the following evening for an “interview,” and he moved in the following night.

Boom! Just like that. Apparently I needed to make this internal shift to be ready for this next phase of my journey.

BOTTOM LINE: It is our unconscious, limiting beliefs that are running the show. They are the source of what springs forth in our everyday lives. There are many ways in which we come to have these beliefs. Most have been programmed by our family, our culture, and the decisions we make about life as we experience upsetting events. And some people believe (I am one of them) that many of our unconscious, limiting beliefs are brought forth from past lives and the accumulated “wisdom of how life is” from our ancestral heritage. From these spring forth the Rules that drive our behaviors that create our lives.

TIP: Unconscious, limiting beliefs are nearly impossible to uncover on your own. Having a skilled friend who has transcended victim consciousness, and who is willing to hold the mirror for you, and whom you trust enough to hold your confidences, is a precious gift. If you don’t have someone in your life that fits that description, you can hire me as your coach and I will gently, but stalwartly hold the mirror for you, and then guide you through the shifting process and see you safely through to the other side.

P.S. The way you know if someone has transcended the hell of victim consciousness is that they no longer see life as happening “to them,” but as life happening “through them.” You will never hear them blame others, or life itself as the source of distress. They take full responsibility for how they experience the less-than-wonderful events in their lives. Blame and judgment are no longer part of their reality. They will have transcended the duality of “right/wrong” thinking into the higher state of oneness consciousness that harmonizes with life, rather than judges life as it unfolds for them.

So how is it going for you? Are you living the life of your dreams? How are you doing in transcending victim consciousness? I’d love to hear from you! Leave your comments below. I’d love to hear what limiting beliefs you are uncovering in your life!

Love and light,


Posted in becoming conscious, community living, evolution, evolution of humanity, evolutionary, expanding consciousness, spiritual experiences, spiritual practices, spiritual principles | No Comments »

Ready or Not, I AM Coming Out!

August 24th, 2011 by Jennifer Grainger

Did  you ever see the classic “I Love Lucy” episode where she and Ethel are working in the chocolate factory? The one where they’re trying to keep up with the conveyor belt delivering the candies for wrapping? It reminds me of the speed at which “opportunities for growth” have been coming at all of us!

Keeping up with this evolutionary transition of letting go of the old, while embracing the new is affecting everyone . . .  aristocrats, peasants, and the weary middle class alike. Everyone, everywhere, is feeling it in some, or even many, areas of their lives.

What I have been letting go of is hiding behind my computer and my role as spiritual teacher who is here simply to hold the space for people to explore their spirituality . . . a lovely and worthwhile venture, and also one that has been quite safe!

What I have been called to do is to be a stand for growing past old social and cultural values that keep people, and particularly women, restrained from living their destiny and contributing what it is they are here to contribute.

My taking a stand that says the old values of duty, obligation, commitment, loyalty, compromise, sacrifice for the good of the family, etcetera are not only outdated, but they’ve become obstacles to living your destiny . . . well, that has ruffled more than a few feathers!

As one who was often sent to my room because I was “too sensitive,” (my feelings were easily hurt) being willing to make myself a possible target for airborne rotten fruit by publically challenging these cherished values is a big coming out!

Yet these old values are the very dragons at the gateway to higher consciousness that must be slain in order for us to live our lives On Purpose as our Authentic Selves and do what it is we came here to do!

I’ve been in the in-between stage for quite a few months now . . . continuing to hold small spiritual gatherings in my home, and teaching the very esoteric Awakening Your Light Body course, while at the same time taking to the stage giving talks and getting very clear on how to make myself visible to the people I was born to serve . . . the women who are living the story that was once my story . . . the women who are looking for the “way out” that I found, and am here to reveal.

You see, growing up I was trained to be a cross between Betty Crocker and Cinderella. When the fairytale didn’t materialize (despite the fairytale wedding), I, of course, concluded it was my fault. Somehow I must not be doing it right.

I so desperately wanted to make the fairytale come true, that without my really realizing it, my Betty-rella persona morphed into a Stepford wife, and there I lived for decades with a low-grade unhappiness most of the time, wishing and hoping and trying to fix things so my husband would change. Then we could live happily ever after.


Now that’s a fairytale!

It has been a very long journey of looking for my happiness to come from someone or something outside of myself. It took time, courage, determination, and lots of support from teachers and mentors (who seemed to show up just when I needed them) to discover that not only am I the creator of my reality, but also that I am the final authority in my life.

Embracing the truth that no one outside of me has the right to dictate to me what my calling is and how I am allowed to answer the call is an awesome responsibility and an amazing freedom. This freedom to answer the call of my destiny was birthed by the previous generations of astonishingly courageous women who rose up against suppression and oppression of feminine power and paved the way for today’s women to stand fully in their power, if they so choose.

The key phrase is “if they so choose,” because choosing to stand fully in one’s power most often means defying the status quo by rocking the boat, or even jumping ship. This is usually not well received by the one who has taken for granted their right to the role of Captain!

As we speak (so to speak) I am preparing to “come out” as Jennifer T. Grainger, Life Sculptor, showing women who bought the fairytale, like I did, how to carefully carve away what’s not working in their lives, and guiding them as they reshape what remains into the life they were born to live, and that their hearts and souls are pleading for!

That’s what I did. And, rotten fruit be damned, I am gonna’ be shouting it from the rooftops that you can do it, too!

BOTTOM LINE: It took me 20 years to piece it together that what was missing in my life was me! Be on the lookout for the launch of my new Life Sculpting Coaching Program to teach “fairytale weary” women how to uncover their Authentic selves, and do in months what took me years!

This newsletter is published on the 2nd and 4th Wednesdays of each month. I’ll “see” you in our next newsletter September 14th.

Love and light,

P.S. I’d love to hear from you. Did you buy the fairytale too? Is there someone in your life who believes they have the right to dictate to you how to live your life? Are you ready to choose to stand in your power and declare yourself as the one who has the final say so of how you live your life? Please do make your comments below. I really do want to know how you are moving forward in your life!

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